What Love Means To Me

Usually, I don’t talk about my personal life in my blog however tonight something truly magical happened that I just feel like sharing with the whole world. Something I have waited for, hoped for and dreamed about for so many years.

I got my sister back.

Ever since I hit my teens, I have always felt a sort of disconnect with my older sister. She hates it when I call her that. Anyway, I never really understood why.

This past week she and her husband were due in Las Vegas, (my adopted home town for the past 22 years or so) to visit with me while he attended a conference. I haven’t seen her in some time. Actually it’s been over a year. We hardly talk on the phone and when we do it’s usually just short, sweet and polite banter back and forth. I always hang up feeling like she just didn’t want to talk to me.

It’s something in my life that has truly bothered me deeply on a very personal level. I love her with everything I am, every beat of my heart. My mother recently reminded me of just how close the two of us were when I was just a little tot and I knew right then that this trip was an opportunity to bridge the gap between us and rekindle the bond we once had. I was going to give it all I had.

I thought about all the reasons why we may have gone our different ways. I was always on the road performing and traveling the world for most of my life and keeping in touch back then wasn’t nearly as cheap or easy as it is today. There was no internet. International calls were very expensive and a simple post card or letter could take months. So was it my fault? What happened? Why wasn’t I as close to her as I am with my youngest sister? Why was it that our phone calls seemed so cold. I just didn’t know.

What I did know, is that her birthday was just around the corner and it was a great excuse for me to spend a day with my sister alone. So I called and asked her if I could have just one afternoon.

I wanted her to get to see my world. The place I live, the work I do, and hope she understands that though we may have differences, though we may live very far apart, the love in my heart has never changed. It’s there. I love her because she is my sister.

So a plan was hatched!

I would make her lunch. I would do my very best and ensure every detail was covered. I would pick out a table cloth I felt she would enjoy and making sure the napkins matched. Buy her favorite colored roses. And cook for her with love, the very best meal a brother could muster. I spared no expense, no detail over looked. I would research on the internet how to set the proper table and give it my best shot. I could only hope she would notice my effort.

The plan was to get her here in my apartment, a place she had never been and show her who her brother has grown up to be. I just wanted to know she cared. I just wanted her to know I loved her. I wanted my sissy back.

Over the week they were here, we went to see many famous shows, we ate at some of the very best restaurants that money can buy. But my favorite day, my favorite meal, was the one at my place. The one I cooked for my sister. Just the two of us. Talking about our family. Talking about old times growing up and reconnecting as a family. Brother and sister. Alone at my place with a bunch of old scrap books in our laps.

On Oct 1st of this year, I’ll be 41 years old and as I have grown older, I too have grown wiser in the things of this world that really matter.

I was born into this world with nothing and hell… I still have most of it left.

YET…

When we each live our final day, I promise you this:

You won’t be thinking of the cars you’ve driven, nor the homes in which you lived. Your bank account won’t matter.

You’ll think about what love really means to you.

You’ll think about those who mean the most, the one’s you’ll miss, the one’s you’d give anything for one more kiss.

And for me it’s my family.

Who is it for you?

So what finally happened you ask?

Well, this is what I’m willing to share, when I said good-bye and kissed her one last time, she cried.

…and that was good enough for me.