Jealousy

We all know someone who is consumed by jealousy. Nothing pleases them and as time goes on they find their jealous emotions turning to hate, then anger and shortly thereafter rage. Jealousy is a toxic emotion that eats at that person from the inside out.

I like to think of it as a type of cancer. Cancer consumes it’s host on an ever expanding quest. Ignorant of the fact that eventually it will lead to it’s own demise. Simply put, jealousy can be a dangerous combination of fear and anger.

A top therapist recently explained it to me this way:

“When a person is consumed with jealousy they fear losing someone they value and become angered that this person of value is actually moving on with their life without them. The jealous person feels a deep sense of false ownership and then betrayal. Forced to face their own demons they become jealous in an attempt to prevent the loss and justify their feelings. If the jealousy eventually turns to control or a sort of power struggle, this is a RED FLAG that their are serious underlying issues that need to be addressed.”

Many people confuse jealousy with love. It’s not the same thing. In fact, jealousy is a fear based emotion and expresses lack in one’s life. What that lack is, depends on many specifics that are unique to the individuals situation. Things like, the way they were raised, their current family situation, and weather they feel cared for and loved. There are so many factors that can play a roll in the behavior of a jealous person. However the jealousy will continue to consume them until they learn to love themselves. That’s the great secret. Jealousy is really a lack of self love. An inner struggle that finds fault in others, for what we truly understand in our heart is simply the mirror reflection of what we dislike most about ourselves. We eventually become the very things we hate most. Remember that: “Thoughts Become Things”.

Here are a few important steps that can help you work through your negative emotions.

1. Understand that irrational jealousy is the result of low self-esteem and your own insecurities.

2. Address the underlying issues first. Talk to someone. If you don’t deal with your issues – your issues will deal with you.

3. Identify what your jealousy is teaching you. Jealousy can alert you to what you want and what is important to you. If you’re jealous of someone talking to a friend of yours, personal relationships may be important to you. If you’re jealous about money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself, “Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?” When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.

4. Take responsibility for your own behavior and make the changes necessary to refocus your negative energy. Stop pointing the finger at everyone around you and look in the mirror.

Finally…

5. Have the courage to seek professional help. No one is perfect. No one is without the need for guidance at some point in our lives. Don’t be afraid to seek the help you need. Our Resource section contains plenty of helpful agencies that will guide you toward a qualified professional in your area.