Secrets We Keep
January 8, 2010 by Steven Diamond
Filed under Daily Blog, Uncategorized
I have been thinking a lot lately about the secrets we keep. Why do we keep secrets? Are we keeping them to protect ourselves? Or others we love? Are we afraid of being judged? Do we keep secrets out of fear? Are we afraid that by revealing our secrets that we will be rejected?
By pure definition: “Secrecy is the practice of hiding information from certain individuals or groups, perhaps while sharing it with other individuals. That which is kept hidden is known as the secret“.
However it’s much deeper then that. We all have secrets. We all keep them for different reasons. Secrecy is often controversial, depending on the content of the secret, the group or people keeping the secret, and the motivation for secrecy. There are government secrets, there are corporate and technology secrets. But the secrets I am speaking of are those that are deeply personal. The secrets we keep as individual people. The things we hide out of fear or shame or even sometimes out of true love.
When I first wrote my book “OCD: A Life Among Secrets” I found it very difficult and even quite painful at times to openly and truthfully discuss things I had hidden for so long. However, after the book was published and I began to get letters and emails from every corner of the world and I realized just how liberating revealing my deepest inner most secrets could be. I wasn’t alone, I was free. For the first time in my life I could live my life as the real me. Not afraid of what anyone might think, because now it was all out there. “Let them judge me as they will” – I thought.
The lesson I learned was that “Secrets kill”. They kill you. From the inside out like a ravenous cancer. Secrets kill you slowly over time in what is never a pleasant experience. Excessive secrecy is often cited as a source of much human conflict in our world. One may have to lie in order to hold a secret, which might lead to psychological repercussions. The alternative, declining to answer when asked something, may suggest the answer and may therefore not always be suitable for keeping a secret. Also, the other person may insist that you simply answer the question.
Nearly 2500 years ago, Sophocles wrote, “Do nothing secretly; for time sees and hears all things, and discloses all.”
I now have another secret I am keeping, and it’s killing me from the inside out. However this time I am not going to need to write a book to free myself from the pain it causes in my life. I just need to tell the ones I love before they hear it somewhere else. In time, I will tell you as well right here.
Do you have a secret that you are willing to share?
Post what you are hiding even if it’s anonymously. You’ll feel better and we can all learn and relate from the secrets others keep.
I believe it was Buddha, who once said:
“Three things cannot long stay hidden:
the sun,
the moon
…and the truth”.
If you have a secret and would like to get it off your chest anonymously, call my secret hot-line:
100% Anonymous and Confidential.
It’s 100% Private & Confidential. Click Here To Learn More!
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Pretending pits one part of the brain agaist others to guard the “Secret” – very expensive in terms of energy and stress. Excellent point!
Do you every use EFT or related meridian-base anxiety treatments?
JW
Hi Dr.Wesch,
EFT, more commonly referred to as “Tapping” is something I have experimented with myself for a while now. But I don’t teach it as yet. I am still somewhat unconvinced to be honest. However, I have had discussions with real people who swear by the technique. I am still doing research and plan to do a blog post about it very soon. It’s interesting to me for sure, enough so that I do not dismiss the possibility of it’s effectiveness. I just have to be 100% convinced before I start telling those who trust me that it’s real and it can help them. I would love to hear any experiences with this that you have had personally. Maybe you would like to write a blog post for us about this unique technique. Check out our guest blogger program here: http://www.stopstressingnow.com/guest-bloggers/
Thank you for your post.
Steven
I think most secrets stem from an irrational perception of both ourselves and how those around us view who we really are.
In other words, I keep a secret because I feel like the secret I keep would make me a “worse” person if I let it into the open…
OR
Those who I love would love me less or not accept me should I let them in on this secret…
But you’re exactly right Steven, secrets eat us from the inside out because they challenge the core of our relationships, both the one we hold with ourself and the ones we hold with others. They skew our perceptions of identity and cause the “pretending” we do to keep the secret a secret to infect other areas of our lives as well. Before we know it we begin to question who we actually are because we have tried to control who we are perceived as.
It’s a dirty game, and one that far to many people suffer in.
Give. Get. Give.
Chase Brumfield