Challenging The Negative Response

Here’s another exciting blog post from our guest blogger extraordinaire Libby Gill. Libby and I had a fantastic conversation on my radio program recently. If you missed the live broadcast, you can listen to the full interview here:

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE LIVE INTERVIEW!

I learned so much from her and I know you will really enjoy her installment this month.

Here’s Libby Gill

CHALLENGING THE IMMEDIATE NEGATIVE RESPONSE

For the occasional working vacation, I lecture about Hollywood and teach improvisation on cruise ships throughout Europe and the Caribbean.  I know, it’s a tough job but somebody’s got to do it, right?

What I find endlessly fascinating when I introduce adults to improv is their vastly different reactions to trying something where they could potentially fall flat on their faces.  And not from one too many Pina Coladas, by the way, but from taking a risk that might not play out the way they expected.  Even when it’s all in fun, some people succumb to fear’s first line of defense, what I call the Immediate Negative Response, or INR, before even considering trying something new.

The INR is that knee-jerk resistance to change that most of us have experienced at one time or another, which causes us to freeze, retreat, or somehow disengage from the impending risk, even if the results might be delightful or, at least, painless.  Even before we’ve had a chance to consider why or why not to take on a project, start a fitness plan, dive into the dating pool – or join an improv class – our fear has already shut us down.  By reacting on pure emotion and giving into the INR, we rob ourselves of opportunities for growth, connection and sometimes just a little silliness.

What’s behind your INR?  Is it a bad habit that you simply picked up?  A family trait where everything – and everyone – must be negatively judged before being considered on its own merits?  Maybe it’s the fear kicking in.  So what are you afraid of?  Could it be that you avoid criticism or feedback at all cost, even before you’ve given yourself the opportunity to explore the risk, just in case you’ll be shown up as not being the smartest person in the room?  What a shame if you don’t allow others to offer you an idea or experience that’s new to you.  Whether it’s small and silly or hugely significant, if you don’t kick the INR habit, you could be denying yourself the chance to have a blast in life.

Case in point, we were cruising in Spain and I was leading an improv exercise I call “Approach the Bench,” where two participants sit side-by-side on a mock park bench. Unbeknownst to each other and the audience, each performer has selected a celebrity persona with a worldwide reputation. As the two sit side by side, they engage in conversation as their characters.  Imagine, for example, Mother Theresa and Michael Jordan chillin’ on our park bench and having a chat.

Half the fun is that the group consists of participants from Spain, Great Britain, Israel, Germany, Holland and China, to name a few.  Invariably, group members speak more English than I speak of their languages but it doesn’t really matter since someone is usually on hand to translate.  When they engage in spontaneous dialogue as their characters, the results are lively, to say the least.

On this cruise out of Barcelona, there was a lovely Italian lady of about sixty who joined my class.  Her husband had accompanied her and as she gamely jumped into the improv as Sherlock Holmes, he stood watching from the sidelines.  I could practically see the thought bubble over his sour face that read, “I am so out of here,” or whatever the Italian equivalent is.  His wife didn’t protest, she was obviously used to it.  What struck me was not the state of their marriage, I’m sure that was just fine, but how differently people approach risk.  She saw a fun challenge and he saw an opportunity to embarrass himself.  While she gamely threw herself into the fray, he bailed without so much as a second glance.  I wondered if the INR was his typical pattern or if, maybe, the sight of Hilary Clinton hitting on Harry Potter was just too much for him.

Try the following exercise to challenge your INR and say goodbye to excuses and negativity.  Determine some risks you’ll try to challenge any INR tendencies you may have.  Consider some of the following:

1. Think of some positive risks that sound appealing or enriching.  Include different types of risks representing physical, social and intellectual events or activities.  For example, physical risks might be rock-climbing, surfing or skydiving.  Social risks include taking a dance class, throwing a party, or attending a singles event.  Intellectual risk-taking might entail enrolling in a foreign language or academic class, joining Toastmasters, or submitting an article to your local paper or alumni newsletter.
2. If fear is holding you back – and isn’t that what always holds us back? – ask yourself these challenge questions.  What’s the worst that could happen?  How likely is that worst-case scenario? How well could you handle it?  If you’re afraid someone will laugh at you on the dance floor, it may be somewhat likely, but will it really matter?  Probably not.  Say you’re considering skydiving, but you’re scared.  Death is definitely a fate worse than someone laughing at your foxtrot, but it’s not very likely.  The odds that you’ll die while skydiving are actually pretty slim – 27 people die each year out of 3.2 million dives.  Can you handle that?
3. Finally, add some accountability factors.  When, where and with whom will you commit to taking this risk?  Put it on your calendar!

As for me, even though I won’t be prepping my parachute anytime soon, I promise to get over my gym fears and finally try that Pilates class I’ve been threatening to take for the past three years.  Maybe I’ll learn some accounting software, though I’m convinced it’s way too difficult for me.  What the heck, I’ll even throw in a French class.  Et voila.  Je suis prest!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE LIVE INTERVIEW!

Libby Gill is an executive coach, brand strategist and bestselling author.  You can learn more at www.LibbyGill.com and www.MyAccountabilityClub.com.