Deep Secrets
July 21, 2010 by Steven Diamond
Filed under Daily Blog, Uncategorized
It started in January of this year with an article I wrote here called “The Secrets We Keep“.
Sort of as an after thought at the end of the article I put a link to my telephone advice service.
Normally, I get calls from great people who are having typical issues we all as people face. Things like panic attacks, problems with stress at home or work and/or having relationship troubles. Normal people with normal life challenges who just need someone to talk with about what’s going on in their lives. That was the concept of the project from the beginning.
However, I never dreamed what would begin to happen once I posted that article about secrets on Jan 8th of this year. People began calling me to reveal their deepest, inner most secrets. Secrets they couldn’t tell anyone. Secrets that in some cases were killing them inside for more than 50 years as was the case with one caller. When this person was 8 years old, they accidentally set fire to their home killing their baby brother. They never confessed. Today, in their late 60′s it still haunts them everyday.
Another called to confess that she had cheated on her boyfriend about 8 months ago and recently discovered that she might be infected with HIV when she learned that the man she slept with is now HIV positive. She continues to have sex with her partner of 7 years, has not been tested and has yet to tell him.
The guilt is killing her.
Loading ...Hundreds of people have called the line. Even though I envisioned it as a relationship advice line, people now call because they have this need to confess. The secrets I have heard and discussed over the past seven months are both fascinating and shocking. At times, tragic and horrifically disturbing. The calls continue to pour in and as word has spread over the months, more and more call to reveal their secrets to a complete and total stranger.
A women I will call “Betty” wanted me to know that she got drunk one weekend and ended up with a strange group of men. She was gang raped by several of the men she didn’t know while several others stood around video taping it on their iPhones. She’s the wife of a Southern Baptist preacher.
Lots of callers just want him or her back. They screwed up the relationship, they know it now, they are deeply sorry for what they have done and now they want to repair the damage they caused.
Some admit that they have read my books or seen me on the TV talk shows. But to most, I am just a voice on the other end of the phone that can help comfort them, guide them and give them some sort of direction. A voice that doesn’t know anyone they know. Someone who can’t find them. The AT&T system I use connects both parties anonymously. So I do not have their number and they don’t have mine. I can’t contact them at all and that has been the success of this program.
The secrets we keep as a people have really shown me just how much more we are alike then we are different. Though each of our stories may be unique to us all, the process of living life as a human being is the same for everyone. I have personally learned so much speaking to the brave and courageous souls who have called me. Their stories are deeply touching. (I have changed some of the details above to protect their true identities, but you get the idea.)
This has been one of the most amazingly profound experiences of my life.
What’s truly ironic to me is that not only did this happen by accident, but as most of you know, I was a professional magician for almost 30 years of my life keeping many secrets of my own during that time. Then there is my book entitled” OCD A Life Among Secrets“.
I find it all truly ironic because somehow secrets have always been a part of my life.
Maybe they always will be.
What Secrets do you have?
Post a comment below anonymously and tell us what is eating at you from the inside out.
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I have a horrible secret and I am so scare to talk about it to anyone. It’s really something awful.
First time I had sex I was drunk. It wasn’t an accident I wanted it that way because I was too scared. In fact, I had planned it that way. Now I wonder if I’ll ever regret how I lost my virginity.
I’m addicted to ebay, I have a secret bank account that I use for it. My husband doesn’t know any of this and I am running out of places to hide everything I buy. He’s going to find out and it’s killing me. I spend every penny I get on ebay. Help!
I’m a new mother and my biggest fear in life is the day when I will have to tell my child I am HIV +
My secret is that I secretly sleep with men and my girl friend of 8 years doesn’t know.
I ran over my girlfriends dog. I said he ran away. I lied and I feel horrible. I just can’t bring myself to tell her the truth cuz she is going to hate me. PS – I hope she never sees this.
I hate my life. I wish everyday my drug habit didn’t control me but I am powerless to the voice of the seareal smoke that flames from my pipe. I’m starting to hear voices of people I don’t know.
My best friend was really down on herself so I created this online guy that she had a lot in common with. Strangely she didn’t suspect anything. I made up this whole backstory and when she wanted to meet him I made him move away. Now she is in love with him and they’ve already gone out once. I am a girl, so this is really awkward for me and I don’t know how to get out of it.
I loved you long ago and still do. Everyday I think of you. You were the spice that made life worth living and the passion that kept the nights so warm. I married someone else (Big mistake) but I still love you. After all these years I still love you. If only I didn’t have kids…
I slept with my husband’s brother three weeks ago and now I am late with my period. I’m scared to death.
This year I was pregnate with my first baby, and on the 5th month I lost it.. I havent been able to talk to anyone about it and all I want to do is just cry, its been over 8 months and I’m still not able to sleep most nights. I wish I had someone I could talk to. It’s hurting me so much inside. I just can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like God is punishing me for something.
I still love you. I can’t stop thinking about you. You might hate me and I have made peace with what I did to you. Sorry doesn’t express what I feel. I still love you and that will never change. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am going to have your child and you don’t know it because you won’t talk to me anymore. call me back. This time it’s important.
I’m obsessed with wanting a child. I tried a puppy. But I want a real baby. Not a boyfriend or a husband. I don’t need that crap. I only want a baby of my own. That’s my deepest secret.
My mother doesn’t think I know what she really does for a living, but I do. I have seen her on the stroll.
I can’t stop lying. The biggest lie I ever told, was to myself. I miss who I used to be. I wish I could stop. Something feels wrong with me for sure.
I like to wear diapers. And I am 28 years old.
My secret is that I have been selling my body since I was 12 years old. I am 32 now and I am scared of dying on the streets. I have been raped 16 times. I have been beaten up too many to count and I can’t stop. I like the money, the freedom to work when I want and I feel like now I am trapped and can’t get off the stroll because there is something about the streets that I am attracted too. yet I hate it.
I agree with you, we all have secrets. We all need a place to let that steam out. My secret is that I hate my parents. No seriously, I truly hate them to the point that I lay in bed and think of way to kill them without getting caught.
I like to go on craigs list and find random hook ups. Then make them feel like dog meat for coming over. LOL
This is really cliche I guess. But I used to cut and haven’t really “told” anyone. At times I still want to but am almost positive I won’t. I used to not care if I died or not while idid it. Also I think I’m bisexual, or a lesbian and I haven’t told anyone that. I don’t know if I really should. I’m just really confused about a lot of stuff I guess.