Top 5 Worst First Date Mistakes
Today I’ll reveal the list of worst dating mistakes singles make. There are some mistakes that may seem obvious when you look back, but can be completely invisible when you are in the thick of things.
When you think about the worst relationship mistakes, it may bring to mind subjects like infidelity, lying, and other serious issues. However, there are other relationship mistakes which can be equally destructive, although they are not as obvious to many people. It is a good idea to keep them in mind, because they have the potential to ruin a relationship.
One of the worst relationship mistakes which, unfortunately, is quite popular today, is believing that one should be a completely open book to one’s partner or prospective partner. While being honest to one’s partner is positive, some people fail to realize that honesty does not mean giving their partners every single detail of their lives. Although this can create unnecessary jealousy and resentment, it can go even further. People who develop this habit fail to realize that people are intended to have some degree of privacy. This includes certain experiences from one’s past and personal life, as well as thoughts and feelings. While people who make this mistake often believe that it encourages communication, it usually backfires. “Telling all,” and prodding one’s partner to do the same, strips away the essential sense of privacy which every person needs for himself or herself. Another destructive relationship mistake covers those who are not familiar enough with the concept of a “personal life.” In order for a relationship to be strong and healthy, it is essential to not “invite” other people into it. Unfortunately, many people do not understand that by sharing personal details about their relationships with their friends or family members they are actually weakening the relationship.
Here are my Top 5 worse first date mistakes:
1. Giving too much personal information too soon
Honesty is always the best policy. But too much honest, personal information on the first few dates is a great way to spoil a possible connection. Sharing too much information too quickly is likely to leave both of you feeling awkward, with one or both of you wanting to leave the situation.
Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize that a relationship needs time to develop before it can handle the deeply personal information. The longer the relationship has been around, the stronger it will be and the more it can handle without breaking.
Having said this, do not withhold information that would help the other person decide whether you are a good match or not.
2. Seeing people as you want them to be instead of who they really are
Have you ever started to date someone and thought he or she was perfect…if only he made more money, or got her life together, or got rid of an addiction/parents/old relationship/etc? Do you try to change others into your perfect image of them? If you do, you know this does not end well.
Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize the people who want to grow and change will be the first to tell you how they are working on growing and changing. They don’t need you to be the agent of change. If you try to move someone in a direction they are not interested in going, it will take all of your energy. Even then, you will likely fail because it is your direction, not theirs. It’s better to choose people who you can love without changing them.
3. Believing a relationship is all you need to be happy and to have a complete life
Thousands of singles are searching for THE relationship, feeling as if it is their one key to a happy, fulfilled life. Meanwhile, they are robbing themselves of that happy, fulfilled life as it slips away day by day.
Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize that although love is extremely important, it is not the one thing that will fulfill you, complete you, or satisfy you. The minute you really do create a truly fulfilling life, you will attract love.
4. Making people wrong for who they were from the start
Let’s say you start dating someone and money is not important to him or her, so much so that there is not much of it coming in. Later in the relationship you get angry because this same person does not have money. Or you get into a relationship with a person who tells you upfront that he or she is not interested in a committed relationship, but only wants to date. Later you feel frustrated and angry because you don’t have a committed relationship. The list of examples goes on.
Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize people tell you who they are, what they want, what they will and will not do, and how your relationship will turn out right from the start. They might not tell you this information verbally, but you will see it in their actions or behaviors. You would do well to listen and believe them.
5. Going too fast into a relationship
I frequently mention this dating mistake because it is prevalent in our culture and encouraged by the way the media portrays love. Simply stated, you cannot build a relationship in 24 hours, a week, or even a month. Even if you believe the two of you are meant to be together, you should build your relationship slowly, instead of rushing into it.
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These days, more and more people who enter the dating scene or begin relationships have children. This fact brings with it some very serious relationship mistakes. It cannot be stressed too strongly that if you have children, regardless of their ages, they should not be included in your dating or casual relationships. Unless you the other person have made a permanent commitment to each other, you should consider it to be your social life in which your children are not included. Not only is it one of the worst relationship mistakes, it is also one of the most serious, because children should not be in the position of bonding to those who will not be a permanent part of their lives. In addition, as dating or a casual relationship is meant to be about the two people involved, allowing your children to participate can put your children in danger from unscrupulous individuals who are more interested in your children than in you.
There are other mistakes which can take place early in a relationship. Some of these include beginning a relationship with someone who has numerous characteristics which you find unacceptable, with the belief or hope that you can “change” the person; ignoring “red flags,” such as a person’s history of substance dependency, abusive treatment of former partners or children; and failing to find out at the beginning whether the person is looking for casual dating experiences or a long-term relationship.
The relationship that will work is the one where both individuals have similar values, standards, and goals. If you find that the person you are considering does not have these points in common with you, one of the worst relationship mistakes is to assume that they do not matter. They are the foundation on which a successful relationship is built.
Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize you simply cannot rush the process of relationship building.
And if you do rush in, you and your partner will suffer the consequences.