SIGNS OF INFIDELITY

Have you ever wondered what you should do if you suspect your mate is cheating?

It happens to us all. 

Currently, a Google search on “Infidelity” shows 4,230,000 web pages on this topic. Chances are, you have probably read a good amount of “How to tell if your spouse is cheating” or “What to do if you suspect your spouse is cheating” articles.

This is a little different.

My approach to detecting, preventing and surviving infidelity is a bit unusual by most, so called, conventional standards.

First things first…

Everyone is innocent – until proven otherwise.

Suspicion is NOT proof.

Finding “clues” and NO proof is circumstantial at best. And as reliable as your intuition may be – it’s still NOT proof.

Circumstantial “evidence” is not enough to convict in a court of law and it should not be enough to convince you either.

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make against their spouse is accepting “suspicious behavior” as proof of unfaithful behavior.

Jumping to conclusions or allowing the jealousy demon to whisper in your ears will only torture you.

The key is to stay calm and stay in the present. Like any good police detective, you have to be patient, watch, wait and observe. You have to become the “lead detective” in your own life. The only way to achieve this kind of rational observation is to keep seeing your partner AS innocent, until proven otherwise. Sometimes it takes time for the truth to reveal itself. Trust in this process and know that you will be okay either way.

Expect the best while preparing for the worst.

Most people do just the opposite. They don’t prepare at all. They just expect to find the worst and jump ahead of everything. The secret is to reverse this order of importance. Expect the best behavior from your partner. Expect they are behaving honorably behind your back. Expect they are keeping their promises. Expect they want to live impeccably and TELL THEM this is what you see and expect in them.

I have seen this work wonders in many relationships! Even when a spouse may have been tempted or thought of being lured into temptation, they find themselves wanting to live up to their partner’s trusting “vision” of them.

Acting contrary to this image of impeccability no longer feels right. Also by doing this, many wayward partners have broken down and confessed some kind of infidelity – be it emotional, physical or otherwise. This kind of self-directed admittance is always the best because the chances of healing and making a breakthrough are substantially higher.

While it’s true that you always want to expect the best of yourself and your partner, you must also be practical and prepare for the worst case scenario.

“Steven, how do I prepare for the worst?”

By being willing to ask yourself the tough questions and being just as willing to hear the truth (no matter what that may be).

Do you suspect that your significant other is cheating? I can help you find the truth you deserve. Simply give me a call by clicking on the call button below and you’ll be connected with me personally, privately and 100% anonymously through AT&T. I will not have your number and you do not have mine. The system connects us both. I have helped thousands and I can help you through this difficult time.

I can bring you INSTANT clarification in any area that is affecting you,

I’ll help you through any problem you may have.

Non-Judgmental, Open minded conversation with someone who cares.

On a clean sheet of paper, draw two columns.

On the left side, make a list of your worst fears. For example…He/she falls in love and leaves. He/she gets HIV and brings it home to you. You become a struggling, single parent. You end up alone. You feel humiliated, etc.

On the right side, reframe all your fears into something positive: For example: Next to your fear of being abandoned, you might write, “Because I have family and friends to count on, it is impossible for me to be alone.” Or, next to your fear of being humiliated, you could write, “I have done nothing wrong. I will not accept shame.”

Why is this worksheet important?

I have discovered that most people rush into confrontation, hiring PI’s to spy for proof, without first being emotionally ready to deal with the truth. I am convinced that taking time to face your fears gives you the necessary power and self-confidence to handle whatever emerges.

If you feel a strong suspicion that your partner is cheating, DO the emotional worksheet ahead of time. Get a grip on your fears so they don’t blind side you.

The more they have to lose – the more they have to lie.
Here’s the reality of infidelity. It’s not the “sex” or loss of attention that hurts the most.

It’s the deception.

YOU confront – and – THEY deny. YOU cry, beg and plead for the truth and THEY lie. You promise to work it out, to be kind and patient and NOT to judge them.  And yet, THEY still lie.

Well, there’s good news and bad news about the lying game. The bad news is this: The more a person has to lose, the more they have to lie to cover up. Lying (just like denial) is a tactic to protect against the threat of emotional pain.

In other words, the majority of liars lie to protect themselves from being hurt. To them, it is a self-preservation technique.Am I saying that lying through your teeth to save yourself the headache of owning up to your actions is excusable?

Perish the thought!

What I AM saying is that lying, when you have a lot to lose, is standard defense. It is not the best choice. It is not the strongest choice. It is simply the lazy and cowardly choice.

Once you are aware that lying is a defense mechanism, it frees you from ever being trapped in a cheater’s lies. You can see “through” them rather than trying to understand them. You can condemn the “lie” and not the liar. You can afford to be gracious once you see it as a “weakness” rather than a personal attack against you.

If your partner is cheating, then he or she is lying. Not just to themselves, but to the rest of their world.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself: Steven, won’t they be getting away with these lies?

No, not at all.

There is a high price to pay for lying. It robs people of their own sense of personal power. It steals their inner joy and destroys their feeling of freedom and self-respect. It almost always eventually leads to a feelings of isolation and loneliness.

The universe you and I live in continually seeks to balance itself. Deception NEVER fulfills the deceiver. Lies ONLY trap the liar. There are absolutely NO REWARDS on earth for lying to yourself or others.

The ultimate price for lying and deceiving others? Losing your own happiness (a pretty hefty price, don’t you think?).

Creating a space for honesty.

People ask me all the time…Should they hire a private detective, put spy software on their partner’s computer, or engage in other “covert” infidelity detection methods.

Here’s my answer.

In certain rare instances, all of those techniques have a place. However, I am a firm believer in taking the high road whenever possible.

If you believe your partner is being deceptive and you use deceptive methods to discover the deception, then I have to ask — who is more deceptive?

On becoming a deception detective.

The first rule to take into consideration is that ALL cheaters WILL lie. After they have finished lying – they will promptly start lying again. It’s not personal. It’s just the nature of the beast. So how do you go about finding the truth – when so many lies are the norm?

To catch a cheat, it may first look like you must fight fire with fire (deception with deception).Hold on. Before you take the low road, know there is another way: I call it preparing a space for honesty.

This plays a big role in the marriage wellness coaching program that I provide for couples who are facing this kind of uncertainty. It’s based on the premise that Honesty is a two-way street:

1. You let your partner know it’s “safe” to be honest.
2. You let your partner have “amnesty” to be truly honest.

Many of us say we want our partners to be totally honest (so long as they say the things we want to hear). But the moment they don’t, we react and instantly fly into a rage.

If you want to hear the truth, you must be able to handle the truth.

Most people cry fowl when I explain this concept to them. They say you should tell the truth regardless of the consequences. While I agree that this would be ideal, it’s just not realistic.

People will only be as honest with you as you allow them to be.

The reason most people lie? To protect themselves from the threat of danger or emotional pain. So, what if we removed that threat? What if we made it so that speaking the truth created HIGH positive rewards? How much more likely are they to be honest – voluntarily?

A lot more!

You see my point?

One last thing…

Do you feel you truly have reasons to suspect your partner is having an affair?

If the answer is “yes”, then please don’t deny your feelings. Don’t bury your head in the sand. Time is not on your side. After years of watching how the dominoes fall in the area of infidelity discovery, I would say, chances are very good that you’re feelings are correct. But what can you do about it?

There’s got to be a better way than spying on your partner or going out and finding your own private detective. I believe it’s better to get to the truth voluntarily. Don’t you?

Why not let me teach you my 4-step strategy for inspiring true confessions. You’ll be amazed at how well it works. You will learn how to inspire more honest communication, better handle jealousy, inspire more trust and stop your relationship from getting worse.

I want to help you become aware of more possibilities and options you have. Let’s work together to decide what action steps you should take next. If this sounds good to you, then I invite you to click on any one of the following three links to get started now.

Do You Need Some Advice? 

Do you suspect that your significant other is cheating? I can help you find the truth you deserve. Simply give me a call by clicking on the call button below and you’ll be connected with me personally, privately and 100% anonymously through AT&T. I will not have your number and you do not have mine. The system connects us both. I have helped thousands and I can help you through this difficult time.

I can bring you INSTANT clarification in any area that is affecting you,

I’ll help you through any problem you may have.

Non-Judgmental, Open minded conversation with someone who cares.