SIGNS OF INFIDELITY

Have you ever wondered what you should do if you suspect your mate is cheating?

It happens to us all.

Currently, a Google search on “Infidelity” shows 4,230,000 web pages on this topic. Chances are, you have probably read a good amount of “How to tell if your spouse is cheating” or “What to do if you suspect your spouse is cheating” articles.

This is a little different.

My approach to detecting, preventing and surviving infidelity is a bit unusual by most, so called, conventional standards.

First things first…

Everyone is innocent – until proven otherwise.

Suspicion is NOT proof.

Finding “clues” and NO proof is circumstantial at best. And as reliable as your intuition may be – it’s still NOT proof.

Circumstantial “evidence” is not enough to convict in a court of law and it should not be enough to convince you either.

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make against their spouse is accepting “suspicious behavior” as proof of unfaithful behavior.

Jumping to conclusions or allowing the jealousy demon to whisper in your ears will only torture you.

Holiday Weight Gain and Estrogen

I watched an episode of Doctor Oz recently where he had a group of women on who were at their emotional end about how to get rid of their belly fat. It is very difficult, beyond psychologically, for a woman to so negatively watch her body change so let’s first take a moment here to empathize. Typically as a woman’s weight goes up, her self-esteem, her self-worth, goes down. Beyond anything a husband or boyfriend can say, for her, walking into a store and asking for- “the next size up” from last time- can be emotionally traumatic. Try to understand that when a woman gains weight around the middle it changes her symmetry which her system, at a subconscious level, knows is detrimental beyond immediate health, to her attractiveness to a partner or potential partner. Evolutionary Psychology has made it quite clear that it is not so much a younger but a healthier partner that is sought by a potential male mate. As a woman ages her hip to waist ratio, the golden measurement, changes. She tends to get thicker around her waist and loses muscle and muscle tone in her hips, further influencing a change in the youthfulness of her appearance. No amount of patronizing from friends or even a devoted mate can change the look she wants to receive from admirers, especially that devoted mate.

2012 – The Year Of Change

If you want to make a written plan, some of the questions you might begin with are:

Where do I want to be three months from now; six months from now; or a year from now?
How am I going to get there?
What do I have to do to get myself from where I am to where I want to be?
What’s the first, small step I can take to get moving?

Stephen Brennan said, “Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a written plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.”

You will often be surprised how often the circumstances which will confront you, will fit in with plans you have laid out in advance.

Bernard Baruch, an adviser to many US Presidents, said, “Whatever failures I have known, whatever errors I have committed, whatever follies I have witnessed in private and public life have been the consequence of action without thought.”

CLASSIC CHEATERS’ BEHAVIOR

They are cheating Red Flag # 2 —Shifts in Behavior

Another big clue your partner is keeping a secret is when they have a noticeable “shift” in their behavior, interests or attitude.

Keeping in mind that many things can cause a person’s behavior to shift. It’s not always infidelity. It could be things like a new job, relocation, menopause, illness, financial stress, etc. But when there are no obvious reasons (and when everything else is relatively calm) shifts in behavior become a big red flag.

What follows are examples of some noticeable changes in behavior that clued some of our clients in on the fact that their partner was cheating.

CLASSIC CHEATERS’ BEHAVIOR

Number One Warning Sign Of A Cheating Spouse

Why are so many people blind sided by infidelity and cheating?

Why do so many betrayed partners never see it coming? Why are so many wayward partners not prepared to handle temptation?

Looking back, we ask ourselves: were there signs, red flags, glaring evidence we should have seen coming?

The answer is almost always: Yes and No.

Here’s why. In almost all cases of infidelity, the betrayed partner indeed has warning signs, but usually fails to recognize them in time. And what good is a warning sign if you don’t see it and understand its meaning? Not much.

Hindsight is 20/20.

When they look back AFTER the discovery, people tell me they clearly recognized a number of signs.

So what are the warning signs, clues, or patterns that signal a partner/spouse is being unfaithful to you?

Red Flag #1

Your Own Intuition

What is triggering these feelings?

Your intuition. I call it our “invisible” deception detection system.

Our intuition does not depend on logic (the conscious mind). It relies on energy and information (the subconscious mind).

The conscious mind is extremely limited in how much information it can draw from and process.

However, your subconscious mind does draw from ALL available information. (tone, past, patterns of behavior, body language, etc.)

So, while someone may try to convince us with logic that everything is okay…our intuition tells us the truth.

In hindsight, almost 90% of betrayed spouses recalled a moment of unease – a “hunch” their partners were involved with someone outside of their relationship. This almost always happens.

Why is this?

I believe it’s because…

…all affairs introduce deception.

Do You Need Life Advice?

Hello, I’m Steven Diamond and I really can help you.
I am honest, Open minded and very non-judgmental and can talk openly with you about any subject of concern. I can answer any and all questions regarding your LIFE and I am a specialist in dealing with guilt, anger and teaching you how to make your life and relationships work, getting you to the place you need to be for happiness to exist.

The Relaxed Rush

The what? Yes, you read it right, the title is the “Relaxed Rush”!

Is that possible, to rush and relax at the same time? Yes, it’s not only possible, it’s necessary.

I know what you’re thinking, you’re a guy, how would you know? I may not know the specifics but let’s take a shot at it. As a woman, let’s say a mom, you’ve got kids to get ready for school, soccer practice, violin lessons and did they do their homework? What about work- 9 to 5 plus- emphasis on the plus.

There’s bills that have to be paid. Gotto also try to fit in a work out so you can fit in the dress you just bought. Hair and make-up take up time that guys don’t have to worry about too. And how am I supposed to eat right running at 100 miles per hour? Close? From my experience, I’ve learned, “The fastest way to a mistake is to hurry up and get there!” Then, oh, by the way, then you have to do whatever it was you were trying to do in the right and fast in the first place a second time, or more.

Do You Have A Shopping Addiction?

Oniomania, compulsive shopping (or what’s more commonly referred to as shopping addiction), is perhaps the most socially reinforced of the behavioral addictions.

We are surrounded by advertising, telling us that buying will make us happy. We are encouraged by politicians to spend as a way of boosting the economy. And we all want to have what those around us have –- consumerism has become a measure of our social worth.

Although widespread consumerism has escalated in recent years, shopping addiction is not a new disorder. It was recognized as far back as the early nineteenth century, and was cited as a psychiatric disorder in the early twentieth century.

Almost everyone shops to some degree, but only about 6% of the U.S. population is thought to have a shopping addiction. Usually beginning in the late teens and early adulthood, shopping addiction often co-occurs with other disorders, including mood and anxiety disorders, substance use disorders, eating disorders, other impulse control disorders, and personality disorders.
Normal Shopping v. Shopping Addiction

So what makes the difference between normal shopping, occasional splurges, and shopping addiction? As with all addictions, shopping becomes the person’s main way of coping with stress, to the point where they continue to shop excessively even when it is clearly having a negative impact on other areas of their life. As with other addictions, finances and relationships are damaged, yet the shopping addict feels unable to stop or even control their spending.

Top 5 Life Rules

There are many things to remember as we go through life. Over the years I have posted many different rules I try to live by. What follows is five more that I think we should all keep in mind as we journey through. Top 5 Rules are:

Little Blue Pills – No Thrills

When the Little Blue Pill for him doesn’t mean a Red Hot Thrill for her!

By Guest Blogger: Billy Sunday Mars
I know my book is called Fit for Love, however it is important to realize it was also written to provide people with an opportunity to get fit “from” love as well. That said, I say, “What you do not do to help yourself you do to hurt yourself!” For over a decade, men who may have thought there sex life was dead, have experienced a resurrection or should I say re-erection? Though I still feel there are psychological, emotional and physical issues that still need to be looked into- Viagra, Cialis and Levitra -have allowed men to –get “back in the saddle again”. Yet there is another issue lurking beneath the surface of this somewhat superficial cure for sexual issues. Often overlooked for women is the “still” stressful issue involving being intimate with their husband or boyfriend who, even with “the pill” can’t provide the thrill for her. This is unfortunately a highly overlooked problem. My playful expression of this is just because a man takes the pill and has a better erection doesn’t make him a better lover any more than giving him a better golf club makes him a better golfer. –I used to say makes him Tiger Woods but –well can’t use that one really anymore huh?

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