There is a Solution for Sibling Rivalry
I decided to create a Pillow Talk to address sibling rivalry between my 4 and 6 year old sons. While they had always gotten along in manner that would be considered normal, there were jealousies around my affection and attention that seemed to run deep. I wanted them to move beyond tolerating one another.
It took a few attempts before I felt like I was getting the hang of the process to deliver the Pillow Talk. The first time I tried it, I completely woke up my 6 year old son. The following day, I noticed no change in the way they related to each other. My next attempts were more successful, and my sons became aware that I was giving them what they coined “love talks” while they slept. They let me know with extra-tender kisses and hugs that they liked it.
After the third time I used my Pillow Talk, I started to notice a shift in the way the two boys related to each other. My older son showed greater kindness in speaking to his younger brother, and in volunteering to help him with everyday things like getting dressed and brushing his teeth. In fact, when my younger son would ask me to do something for him, my older son would often chime in, “Come here; I can do that for you.” And my younger son was eager to let him and to reciprocate by helping him with his projects as well.
Nurse Nancy Beck discovers great parenting advice for reducing stress and reducing fear by listening to her children as teachers. “Why does it matter?”
Not many of us get to feel the safety of living in a guarded palace. What could be safer than living with a hundred guards at your disposal? Even with the guards or money for them, it does not guarantee that you will feel safe. This is indicated by the above quote by Princess Diana.
Living in fear, whether real or imaginary, can introduce incredible stress in one’s life and affect every aspect of it. As an adult you can change your surroundings and environment. You can change job, move or seek out therapy to resolve issues with fear and insecurity. I mean really think about it. We live in a country that allows us to change almost every aspect of our life no matter who we are or how much money we have, if we choose to do it.
Our children on the other hand, do not have it so lucky. Our children live in our world and revolve around what we as parents do and say. They are completely reliant on us for their perception of how to feel safe and secure. We, as parents are responsible for a lot of our children’s fear and anxiety. How’s that for a big responsibility?
“Which came first, The Chicken or the Egg?” – Ancient Philosopher
This has been a question that has been around since the beginning of time. A quick Wiki search tells us that the ancient philosopher Aristotle concluded that: both the bird and egg must have always existed. As you ponder this for a moment, I would like to change from the thought of the creation of foul and move it more to the topic of stress and then change the words “egg” and “chicken” to “child” and “adult”. Then ask the question again: Which came first, stress in the adult or the child?
As a reader of StopStressingNow.com I know you are well tuned to the cause and effect of stress. And most likely have zeroed in on what is causing your stress and how to practice stress relief techniques, but have you ever wondered when the stress started? I know my stress did not happen all at once nor is it all about one thing. In fact, my training has taught and shown me that much of my adult stress started as child fear or child anxiety and stayed with me until I was able to experience techniques and therapy that dissolved their roots. It would have been great if my parents could have helped me through those initial stressful events, but the knowledge was just not widely available back then. Luckily for our children, it is available today.
If you don’t already know, I am a champion for positive parenting and have developed the ‘art of encouraging and guiding our children while they sleep’ which I call Pillow Talk. Pillow Talks have given me incredible parenting skill for eliminating child fear, anxiety and worries at their causes. It works almost like magic. Here is a quick real life example:
“Look Mommy! Look Mommy!” yelled Sarah as she rounded the door to the kitchen. “Look at what” I said as I crouched down to her level.
“My tooth, my tooth, it’s coming in!” she said.
Sure enough there was the first sign of a new tooth.” We have been waiting a long time for this.” I said and Sarah nodded her head. As Sarah jumped up and down in excitement I could not help but reflect back onto what could have been a traumatic and expensive chapter in Sarah’s and our family’s lives.
Sarah has been independent from the start. One day when she was nearly two, I was working in the kitchen when I heard Sarah crying from the next room, where she and her brother Michael were playing. I checked on her and discovered she had hurt her mouth from a fall, but there was no sign of an injury. I comforted her for a bit and then sent her on her way to play hard again with her brother Michael. The next morning I discovered part of her lower front tooth was missing; it had fallen out in her sleep. A quick call and an afternoon spent getting to the dentist found that there was nothing to do at this time. I could only wish this was the end of the story.
After her third birthday Sarah once again came to me. “Mommy, my mouth hurts,” she said. With a little poking and prodding a small abscess was found at the root of her chipped tooth. It was very sore. The dentist confirmed my suspicions that the root had been damaged and the tooth would have to be removed. The dentist said she would try extracting the tooth in the office, but that many children Sarah’s age were unmanageable in the chair. If Sarah would not cooperate the tooth might have to be removed in the hospital under anesthesia. As a nurse I knew that with anesthesia and surgery there would be increased risk of complications for Sarah, and I wanted to avoid surgery if at all possible. Knowing that hospital visits associated with dental procedures were not covered by our insurance helped with the urgency of making sure Sarah became the perfect patient. How could I possibly tame an energetic 3 year old for such a procedure?
A few months ago I heard the story of a nurse who had developed a very unique method to help make changes in her own children. It was such an amazing story that I tracked her down myself to see just what the real story was. I was impressed. “Nurse Nancy” as she is now known has developed a simple yet truly effective way to help parents encourage positive behaviors that some children may resist. The results speak for themselves and I applaud Nurse Nancy for having the courage to try something different. Now, she is the author of a series of books and spends her free time teaching other parents to do what she has developed. Nurse Nancy is our newest guest blogger here at StopStressingNow.Com and I simply couldn’t be any more thrilled to have her!
With great pleasure I give to you…