By Guest Blogger: Nurse Nancy

There is a Solution for Sibling Rivalry

I decided to create a Pillow Talk to address sibling rivalry between my 4 and 6 year old sons. While they had always gotten along in manner that would be considered normal, there were jealousies around my affection and attention that seemed to run deep. I wanted them to move beyond tolerating one another.

It took a few attempts before I felt like I was getting the hang of the process to deliver the Pillow Talk. The first time I tried it, I completely woke up my 6 year old son. The following day, I noticed no change in the way they related to each other. My next attempts were more successful, and my sons became aware that I was giving them what they coined “love talks” while they slept. They let me know with extra-tender kisses and hugs that they liked it.

After the third time I used my Pillow Talk, I started to notice a shift in the way the two boys related to each other. My older son showed greater kindness in speaking to his younger brother, and in volunteering to help him with everyday things like getting dressed and brushing his teeth. In fact, when my younger son would ask me to do something for him, my older son would often chime in, “Come here; I can do that for you.” And my younger son was eager to let him and to reciprocate by helping him with his projects as well.

This is not a result of programming. My Pillow Talks consist of telling each of my sons how special he is to me, using an example from the day’s events, how much I love him, and how much I appreciate everything he does for our family. I don’t suggest that they be more loving, I just deliver a message to reinforce my love and their specialness – and it was received like emotional IV medicine directly to their souls. They haven’t fought over my attention or affection since.

Pillow Talks are a regular part of my parenting now, and I credit them for better attitudes in my children and a more loving atmosphere in my home. If a few nights pass without them, one of my sons inevitably says, “Hey mom, why aren’t you giving me love talks?” – Susan McLeod

Questions about parenting and children? Check out my “Ask Nurse Nancy” webpage at http://www.NurseNancyBeck.com Feel free to ask for addition information on ways to reduce child stress, child fear, child worries or just gain a few parenting tips or a little parenting advice to encourage and guide your kids. You will also find my book there: “Pillow Talk: Loving Affirmations to Encourage and Guide your Children”.

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“Why does it matter?”

- Michael Beck – age11

I have setup my office with my children’s desk and computer next to mine. It not only allows me to keep track of what my children are doing on the computer but also allows me to spend time with them. The other day Michael was playing a game on the computer across the internet with one of his friends and they were also talking on the speaker phone. I was typing away and listening to their conversation, which can often be entertaining.

During this particular conversation they started talking about what they were going to do and bring to another friends birthday party later on in the afternoon. During the conversation Michael’s friend ask him; “Are you going to any of the other birthday parties?” Michael responded; “No!” and there was a long pause and then they said see you later at the party, and hung up. He then continued on with his game.

My curiosity was up, who was having the other birthday parties? Where they friends? Had Michael been invited? So I asked Michael; “How come you didn’t ask who the other people having birthday parties were?” Michael responded; “Why does it matter? I’m not invited.” Now another long pause came from me. My brain started rewiring as it was encountering another “AH-Ha” moment.  I responded; “It does not matter and you’re very smart about the way you think.” Michael said; “I know.” Michael then continued on with his game.

Raising children has been a wonderful experience for me. The more I work at using a positive parenting style, the more I find that my parenting advice and parenting tips actually come from my children. My children give me the lead on what is important and needed in their life. Lately, when I have been thinking of stress and its causes, I find that looking to my children as teachers has given some very insightful solutions to reducing stress and reducing fear.

In this example with Michael, I relearned that there is no value in asking or wondering about questions that I can do nothing about. In fact, each of these questions, wonders and worries adds just a little stress to my life, stress which starts to become big after I do it thousands and thousands of times. As an adult I often forget what the big picture is and get carried away in the details that I believe to be important as well as the details that serve no purpose. Michael was right when he did not want to know more information. Why would he want those extra thoughts, stress and worry which add no value to his life?

Children as teachers, is an interesting concept for receiving parenting help on child rearing. I will keep watching for examples to use and relay to you. For now, I am going to take Michaels golden advice whenever I start thinking too much and just ask; “Why does it matter?”  I think my life is going to be simpler and more stress free, how about yours?

I have installed an “Ask Nurse Nancy” webpage at http://www.NurseNancyBeck.com Feel free to ask for addition information on ways to reduce child stress, child fear, child worries or just gain a few parenting tips or a little parenting advice to encourage and guide your kids. You will also find my book there: “Pillow Talk: Loving Affirmations to Encourage and Guide your Children”.

Blessings of happiness,

Nurse Nancy Beck

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By Guest Blogger: Nurse Nancy Beck

“I don’t want expensive gifts; I don’t want to be bought. I have everything I want. I just want someone to be there for me, to make me feel safe and secure.”– Princess Diana

Not many of us get to feel the safety of living in a guarded palace. What could be safer than living with a hundred guards at your disposal? Even with the guards or money for them, it does not guarantee that you will feel safe. This is indicated by the above quote by Princess Diana.

Living in fear, whether real or imaginary, can introduce incredible stress in one’s life and affect every aspect of it. As an adult you can change your surroundings and environment. You can change job, move or seek out therapy to resolve issues with fear and insecurity. I mean really think about it. We live in a country that allows us to change almost every aspect of our life no matter who we are or how much money we have, if we choose to do it.

Our children on the other hand, do not have it so lucky. Our children live in our world and revolve around what we as parents do and say. They are completely reliant on us for their perception of how to feel safe and secure. We, as parents are responsible for a lot of our children’s fear and anxiety. How’s that for a big responsibility?

If you’re a believer in positive parenting, this big responsibility has an easy solution with just a little parenting advice. I found my parenting advice in a class called “Conscious Discipline” by Dr Becky A. Bailey. It was being taught at the local adult education center. In a nutshell I learned was that it is the parent’s job to keep their children safe or to be more exact, it is our job to make our children understand that it is our job to keep them safe and that is a key, or should I say incredible parenting tip.

The beauty of this parenting job description is that I can allow my children to grow and explore their environment. I can be their friend and companion yet, when the time is necessary, set boundaries and limitations to keep them safe. My children respect and feel safe that these boundaries’s are in place for their protection instead of thinking I am just stopping them from having fun. We get compliance and support from our children instead of rebellion. This leads to a lot less stress and anxiety for both children and parents alike.

In addition, I have developed special Pillow Talks to give to my children at night to solidify the family connection of love and protection. Taking on my new job duties and mixing them with Pillow Talks has worked wonderfully for my family and I share this so you can experience it too.

It is important that we have our children in a safe environment. It is probably the second most important thing that we can offer our children, with the first being love. Taking the parenting class on “Conscious Discipline” helped my family understand what it means to keep our children feeling safe, including setting consistent boundaries and limitations. If our children live in fear or anxiety, they cannot function at their highest ability. If our children feel safe and secure, they can achieve anything.

Learn more ways to reduce child stress, child fear, child worries or just gain a few parenting tips to encourage and guide your kids by visiting me at http://www.NurseNancyBeck.com.  Find my book “Pillow Talk: Loving Affirmations to Encourage and Guide your Children” on my website or on Amazon.com. Please leave comments, ask questions or write subject idea’s for future articles.

Blessings of happiness,

Nurse Nancy Beck

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By Guest Blogger – Nurse Nancy

“Which came first, The Chicken or the Egg?” – Ancient Philosopher

This has been a question that has been around since the beginning of time. A quick Wiki search tells us that the ancient philosopher Aristotle concluded that: both the bird and egg must have always existed. As you ponder this for a moment, I would like to change from the thought of the creation of foul and move it more to the topic of stress and then change the words “egg” and “chicken” to “child” and “adult”. Then ask the question again: Which came first, stress in the adult or the child?

As a reader of StopStressingNow.com I know you are well tuned to the cause and effect of stress. And most likely have zeroed in on what is causing your stress and how to practice stress relief techniques, but have you ever wondered when the stress started? I know my stress did not happen all at once nor is it all about one thing. In fact, my training has taught and shown me that much of my adult stress started as child fear or child anxiety and stayed with me until I was able to experience techniques and therapy that dissolved their roots. It would have been great if my parents could have helped me through those initial stressful events, but the knowledge was just not widely available back then. Luckily for our children, it is available today.

If you don’t already know, I am a champion for positive parenting and have developed the ‘art of encouraging and guiding our children while they sleep’ which I call Pillow Talk. Pillow Talks have given me incredible parenting skill for eliminating child fear, anxiety and worries at their causes. It works almost like magic. Here is a quick real life example:

Sarah came running. “Mommy, Mommy, it stung me, it hurts,” she  managed to say between the tears. Sure enough, Sarah had crossed a curious wasp’s flight path.

With some tender loving care and the passing of a couple days, the physical wound was gone. However, anytime Sarah saw any bug she was frantic. It was horrible to watch my vibrant and courageous daughter on the swing set ready to jump off the swing when any flying insect went by.

Was Sara to go through life afraid of bugs?

That night, using loving words and encouragement, I had a Pillow Talk with  Sarah.

The next day Sarah came running to me and said, “Come here Mom,   I want to show you something.” As I went with her she said with enthusiasm, “Look Mom, a bug! Let’s watch what it does!”. “Okay!” I said.     Sarah has respected bugs every since.

Learn more ways to reduce child stress, child fear, child worries or just gain a few parenting tips to encourage and guide your kids by visiting me at http://www.NurseNancyBeck.com.  Find my book “Pillow Talk: Loving Affirmations to Encourage and Guide your Children” on my website or on Amazon.com. Please leave comments, ask questions or write subject idea’s for future articles.

Blessings of happiness,

Nurse Nancy Beck

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By Guest Blogger: Nurse Nancy

A trip to the dentist

‘There was never a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.”

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Look Mommy! Look Mommy!” yelled Sarah as she rounded the door to the kitchen. “Look at what” I said as I crouched down to her level.

“My tooth, my tooth, it’s coming in!” she said.

Sure enough there was the first sign of a new tooth.” We have been waiting a long time for this.” I said and Sarah nodded her head. As Sarah jumped up and down in excitement I could not help but reflect back onto what could have been a traumatic and expensive chapter in Sarah’s and our family’s lives.

Sarah has been independent from the start. One day when she was nearly two, I was working in the kitchen when I heard Sarah crying from the next room, where she and her brother Michael were playing. I checked on her and discovered she had hurt her mouth from a fall, but there was no sign of an injury. I comforted her for a bit and then sent her on her way to play hard again with her brother Michael. The next morning I discovered part of her lower front tooth was missing; it had fallen out in her sleep. A quick call and an afternoon spent getting to the dentist found that there was nothing to do at this time. I could only wish this was the end of the story.

After her third birthday Sarah once again came to me. “Mommy, my mouth hurts,” she said. With a little poking and prodding a small abscess was found at the root of her chipped tooth. It was very sore. The dentist confirmed my suspicions that the root had been damaged and the tooth would have to be removed. The dentist said she would try extracting the tooth in the office, but that many children Sarah’s age were unmanageable in the chair. If Sarah would not cooperate the tooth might have to be removed in the hospital under anesthesia. As a nurse I knew that with anesthesia and surgery there would be increased risk of complications for Sarah, and I wanted to avoid surgery if at all possible. Knowing that hospital visits associated with dental procedures were not covered by our insurance helped with the urgency of making sure Sarah became the perfect patient. How could I possibly tame an energetic 3 year old for such a procedure?

At this point in our family’s life I had been successful at getting our children through many situations by talking to them in their sleep. But this was just the beginning of my development with the Pillow Talk methodology. There were questions. Could it work on such a stressful situation? Could it work with needles, pliers, and grinders involved? Could it work in such a foreign and strange environment to Sarah? I could not think of any other solutions so it was going to have to work. This was going to stretch my creativity and ability to new limits.

I spent the whole next day working on what and how I would talk to Sarah the next couple of nights. Each night I went to Sarah in her sleep and used carefully planned words to assist her with the visit. These words were directed not only for a calm visit, but also at the problem of excessive bleeding. I gave my best Pillow Talks ever. The appointment was two days away, so testing the number of nights to give a Pillow Talk would have to be at two.

I took a heavy sigh as Sarah was called to the dentist chair. In the back of my mind I knew that even if the Pillow Talks didn’t work this time that I would handle the time and expense involved with a hospital visit. And, most procedures with anesthesia go without any problems.

Sarah walked in and sat down with great confidence. She was so brave through her whole appointment. She gave one small whimper for a moment when she saw the needle, but she sat still and behaved very well. When the dentist was done, she put a cotton ball where her tooth had been and told her to keep it there tight. She then commented that Sarah had been one of her best patients and the procedure went flawlessly. Getting out of the chair, Sarah dropped the cotton from her mouth, there was only a speck of blood on it, and she had absolutely no other bleeding. I didn’t want to make a show in the office, but in my mind I was jumping up and down like a child yelling “YES, YES!” I knew then that I must share the secrets of Pillow Talk.

I share this moment with Sarah’s and my family’s life to demonstrate the power of words and expectations delivered while a child sleeps. I have documented it well in my book Pillow Talk: Loving Affirmations to Encourage and Guide your Children so you can repeat my results. I hope you can see the impact Pillow Talk can have in your life for your child.

I thank Steve Diamond for understanding the importance of Pillow Talk and getting the word out. I hope you enjoyed my guest blogging, and that I have opened your mind to the power of words.

For more information on Pillow Talk, including research information on sleep suggestions and the 5 step method of delivering a successful Pillow Talk (STARS), go to http://www.NurseNancyTalk.com.

PS. I love to hear your success stories.

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A few months ago I heard the story of a nurse who had developed a very unique method to help make changes in her own children. It was such an amazing story that I tracked her down myself to see just what the real story was. I was impressed. “Nurse Nancy” as she is now known has developed a simple yet truly effective way to help parents encourage positive behaviors that some children may resist. The results speak for themselves and I applaud Nurse Nancy for having the courage to try something different.

Now, she is the author of a series of books and spends her free time teaching other parents to do what she has developed. Nurse Nancy is our newest guest blogger here at StopStressingNow.Com and I simply couldn’t be any more thrilled to have her!

With great pleasure I give to you…

“Nurse Nancy”

It only takes two minutes at night to have a happier family!

I realize that my story is profound and yet unusual because every parent can learn from it and use the information to enhance their family life. When my children were very young I worked long hours as a nurse. They were asleep when I left and when I returned from work. Who knows where they thought I was. When I got home, I would always go into their room and give them a kiss and tell them, “I love you,” whether they were awake or not.

At the time my daughter Sarah was almost two years old. Even though she was talking, she had not used the words “I love you.” She was also calling her older brother Michael by the name “Getty.” Incidentally, there was a little girl named Gracie in Sarah’s daycare who was just a couple months younger than Sarah, and Sarah would not let Gracie play in her pretend tea parties. I had an underlying nagging concern that this behavior was related to my work schedule.

I had good fortune coming. Since my personal focus in nursing was on the mind-body-spirit connection I was able to put together some information I learned and create what I call Pillow Talk. The very first night of enlightenment I went to Sarah while she was asleep and said…

“I love you… thank you for being in my life… I am the luckiest mommy in the      world to have such a wonderful daughter as Sarah… my heart is filled with joy   and the world is a better place because you are in it… I love you with all my heart… “

After I had been giving the above affirmation for just a week, my daughter was saying, “I love you”; she was using Michael’s name; and she was inviting Gracie to play with her in tea parties.

Reflection:  I have learned when you focus on LOVE you receive LOVE. I cannot begin to imagine how different our family life would be if I had not learned about Pillow Talk and the beautiful happy results it brought to my life, and can bring to yours. Let’s face it there is never too much LOVE! I can feel the energy from my children when I walk into their rooms to give them a Pillow Talk. My son calls it “giving me my praises.”

It took me three years of experiencing Pillow Talks with both of my children before I came forward to present the gift of Pillow Talk in a book called “Pillow Talk: loving affirmations to encourage and guide your children.”

By using Pillow Talks my husband and I have been able to help our children through events that our waking conversations have not been able to resolve such as doing better on test, getting over fear of bugs, having a three year old sitting still for the dentist to have a tooth pulled while in the office. I have many more examples in my book.  Each example explains the events going on for my children, the Pillow Talk I spoke, the results the children had, and a reflection of what I learned as a parent all to help you learn from my successes and my mistakes. I also include some guidelines to help you to form your own affirmations to fit the needs of your family using your own values.

I have been hearing many heart warming stories, and I look forward to hearing from you. May your life be blessed with much love, joy, and happiness!

Love,

Nancy Beck

www.NurseNancyTalk.com

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