Discussions grew and with the sense there was a good blend of philosophies, personalities, and goals, Rudy introduced the magical thought leader to the medical CEO. There was immediate synergy and excitement and thus Be Happy For Life! was enthusiastically created!
Together we acknowledged that the world needs more happiness. And together we agreed that the experiences we’ve collectively had – both personally and professionally – make us uniquely positioned to not only produce a comprehensive, multi-media happiness product line but also to conduct a live seminar experience and a feature-length documentary, all set to transform billions of lives.

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By Guest Blogger: Rudy Weitfeldt

A short essay on money and its relation to one’s happiness.

When I speak to audiences about happiness, I always qualify in my own mind, even before pursing my lips to speak, what type of happiness I am wishing to address.
For there are indeed different types of “happiness.”

There is, for instance, the simple type of happiness that comes on opening a long-awaited birthday gift – perhaps a beloved Apple i-product.
Is having a happy life simply the product of creating as many “birthday” moments as possible? Would life be better if every day was our birthday?
What about a different perspective. There is another type of happiness that comes from getting word of a promotion or raise. Happiness here is tied closely together with pride and satisfaction for a job well done.

Indeed, human emotions are often “blended” in this way.
Then there’s the happiness of seeing our child walk her first steps. Or the happiness that comes from hearing our son perform a solo in the Christmas concert at school.
But is happiness simply an emotion — a feeling? Or is it an attitude? Or exactly what is it?

Personally I think one of the reasons there is so much stress and unhappiness in the world is NOT because we don’t have enough stuff or money – clearly, we have more STUFF today than those before us ever have had in history. Rather I think it is because we have been taught that the more we have, the newer we have, the bigger we have…the better it is.
Our society is so funny in its contradictions. First we hear, “size matters.” Then we hear, “It’s not the quantity but the quality.”
Perhaps the real answer is that there is no perfect, easy answer. It would be great if oranges were all sweet and juicy and came the size of pumpkins. And it goes without saying that they shouldn’t have seeds.

But that’s not reality.

But what do oranges have to do with the price of eggs?
Nothing.

So let’s get back to money and happiness.
What we do know from repeated research studies over many years now is that increasing someone’s income above a certain level does not statistically give them any more happiness. It may give them more stuff. Bigger stuff. Faster stuff. And there is nothing in and of itself wrong with those things. Those are what Aristotle would call goods. But there are lots of “goods” in the world and in life. Self respect. Honesty. Close relationships. The satisfaction that comes with accomplishment.

The joy that comes from giving.

The flipside of money and happiness has certainly also been shown repeatedly: if someone doesn’t have enough money to feed, clothe, and shelter herself then she is going to have a hard time being happy – for there’s just too much stress in a life of poverty.

So here’s the thing about defining happiness: since we know from studies that a lot of people worldwide are relatively happy with relatively little and, conversely, we know that a lot of people with a lot of money are not very happy, it seems to make sense that we can drop money as being part of our preconceived factors that go into our definition of personal happiness. Having things is indeed good. But, again, there are many goods.

So what is inherent to the process of living happily?

Did you hear the question? What is inherent to the process of living happily? If you believe this question is valid, it points us in an important direction. Having a happy life isn’t all about filling life with presents and surprises and excitement. Yet we have become confused to think these are the things we need to pursue. Remember? We are supposed to pursue happiness – which is to say it is necessarily external to ourselves.

I’d instead like to suggest that the “stuff” of our life, while important and “good,” perhaps accounts for only about 10% of our overall happiness. The vast majority of our happiness, probably 90% or so, comes from how we live. Sadly, many people don’t think they have a choice. But we all have a choice to live happily.
It’s easy to be happy when we’re on vacation, the sun is shining, and we’re surrounded by things we love.
But those moments are relatively rare. And that probably makes them somewhat special, doesn’t it?

Consider going to your favorite restaurant and ordering your most favorite meal. You’ve had a long day and now it’s your time to sit back and enjoy. The food melts in your mouth and you enjoy every bite. You savor every aroma…you taste every nuance. But what happens to your emotions when your most favorite dessert is finished and your server brings you your ENTIRE meal again – starting with the entrée. This second time around it doesn’t taste quite as good…the hunger, literally and metaphorically, is gone.

The same is true of the stuff-of-life type of happiness. It’s great for a while but then we need a break. We need to get hungry again.
But few seem to have learned this lesson. And little wonder: we are inundated with messages from marketers telling us that every once of our happiness comes from acquiring their product or service. Like Cadillac saying, “Let us know when your neighbors are home so we can deliver your new Escalade.” Or what about the make up makers L’Oreal: “Because you’re worth it.” So, let me get this straight, if I don’t pay $2 more for L’Oreal’s hand cream I must not be worth it?

Yes, the messages are pretty direct, aren’t they? And they are everywhere.

It’s called ST – Shopping Therapy. We go to the mall to buy something because we’ve been working so hard and are in need of a lift. Then we feel great for a little while because we have something new. But then the same old feelings come back and then we get the VISA bill and decide we should get another job to pay for our bills. But now it’s time to get back to the mall for some more ST. After all, the sign says that the more we spend the more we will save! And saving is good, right?

Here’s yet another quick story. Several years ago, a group of university students were asked to participate in an experiment. They were offered the opportunity of getting attached to a machine that gave them the sensation of orgasm. That’s right, the BIG O. Orgasm. The only caveat? They would necessarily be attached to the machine for a long, long time – continuously.
Imagine that: one big, long orgasm. (Something Aristotle would probably have called a “great.”)

And because of the caveat you could probably guess that nobody signed up for that experiment. Truly, nobody did.
So let’s recap. Is it possible that so many people are so unhappy because they are searching down the wrong path, namely to have more things in their world? Is it possible they have bought into the idea that more is better but then quickly fall prey to the reality of hedonistic accommodation – the process by which we humans get used to fun things?
Is it possible that we should instead be focusing on learning how to be happy? How do we foster a happy attitude? How can we take a lemon and make lemonade? How can we learn to enjoy the scenery on a detour?

Fostering any kind of attitude change takes practice…But it all begins by intellectually acknowledging the path you truly want to take. And that takes perspective.
That said, you’ve heard mine. And now I’m looking forward to hearing your perspective on this issue.

For More Information on Rudy, Please Visit: http://thecoreofhappiness.info

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By Guest Blogger: Rudy Wietfeldt

I recently experienced what initially I thought could be pink eye… only to gradually conclude that my eye condition was likely not conjunctivitis but rather more likely allergies or even the common cold.

The whole situation reminded me of something that I think is incredibly important. It’s a lesson taught to me by old friend Epictetus.

Now the historians in the crowd are undoubtedly quick to point out that Epictetus has been dead for 2000 years, so allow me to say that I am using the word “friend” loosely.

Over the centuries, many people have utilized my friend Epictetus’ words. And many have made quotes about the lessons in his teachings. Martha Washington, Randy Pausch, and others have used the basic philosophy of this very wise deceased Greek guy.

Let me put this in perspective…

It was bottom of the ninth with two out. Epictetus was called in by the Stoics to pinch hit.

Epictetus was a slave. Strike one.

Epictetus had a limp. Strike two. For in ancient times, to have a limp was akin to the modern day cooties.

Did Epictetus strike out?

NO!

Epictetus said, quite simply: That I am not free – that I am a slave – I have no control over this. Similarly, that I have a limp…this too is beyond my control. But am I going to allow these things to make me feel depressed? No sir! Am I going to allow what someone else thinks about me affect how I feel about myself? NO SIR!

“The greatest part of our misery comes not from what happens to us…rather how we interpret what happens to us.”

Talk about a grand slam right out of the amphitheater!

My friend won MVP (Most Valuable Philosopher) for that one.

It really is all about perspective. How we see things determines how we think and feel about them. It also influences how we act.

We all have options with respect to interpretations. We can, for instance, constantly complain about the rainy day. Our inner voice can pretty easily go OCDish and keep saying, “What a horrible day. What a rainy day! What a horrible day!” But what good comes from that? Nada. Nihil. Nussing.

Instead we can choose to interpret the positive perspective. The inner voice could be saying things like: “Rain keeps the grass green and the flowers growing…”

Does it all sound too much like Sesame Street?

Epictetus and I don’t think so.

And by the way, this blog post was brought to you by the letter M and the number 4.

For More Information on Rudy, Please Visit: http://thecoreofhappiness.info

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Introducing Our Newest Guest Blogger here on StopStressingNow.Com – Mr. Rudy Wietfeldt

With undergraduate and graduate degrees in philosophy, physiology and psychology from the University of Toronto, Rudy  also comes with over 20 years of clinical experience in Emergency Psychiatry at Canada’s largest hospital.
As well, Rudy’s work includes his private psychotherapy practice and, via the web, “skypotherapy.” A prolific author and speaker, he is the National Health and Happiness Examiner for Canada.
Rudy has released “The Core of Happiness” – a book dubbed “the great Canadian novel on Happiness” – having himself faced early parental loss as well as the death of four children by age 33. The book was penned by Rudy in the hope that his surviving children and others would ultimately derive benefit from his philosophy of hope that has guided his life.

Rudy believes  “The World Needs More Happy.” and we couldn’t be any more happy to have him right here with us.

Happy Expectations By: Mr. Rudy Wietfeldt

Setting and maintaining low expectations is not the “secret” to a happy life…but having reasonable expectations certainly is part of the equation.

If you’re male, aged 22, 5’1″ and are great at pick-up basketball, don’t let fantasy talk you into thinking you are going to be in the NBA…chances are you’d be bumping your nose into the lint collecting in the other players belly buttons.

Remember, it’s about achieving reasonable expectations.

And all this is not meant to prevent people from dreaming and dreaming big. It’s just important to learn early on the difference between dreaming and being a dreamer.

Dreaming involves the release of carefree imagination into the possibilities of the future. Making dreams into reality only happens when we formulate a stepwise plan. (Whereas a dreamer is one whose head is always in the clouds and therefore lacks sufficient oxygen to adequately make anything a reality.)

So here are, drum roll please, the 10 steps to making your dreams a reality:

Step 1. Dream until you can dream no more. Or until your stomach calls for food. Or your bladder relief. (Spend a bit of time everyday dreaming!)

Step 2. Decide if you are tall enough for your dream. (See NBA example above.)
This was a joke, folks. Proceed to Step 3 and collect $200.

Step 3. Seriously, ask someone you trust and respect if your dream is reasonable. (If your mom is shorter than 5’1″, don’t ask her if you are tall enough to play in the NBA. She likely thinks you are a giant and would say, “Yes, dear! Of course you are tall enough, honey!”

Step 4. Plan, plan, plan. Down to the smallest detail. Plan everything out. Assign start times and expected durations to each task. Record your task on paper or electronically. (N.B. “Failing to plan is like planning to fail.”)

Step 5. Execute the plan in a concerted, day-by-day kind of way. Follow your plan.

Step 6. Evaluate the progress regularly.

Step 7. Adjust your steps as necessary if you find in Step 6. that you are going off the intended route.

Step 8. Re-assess you still want to achieve this goal

Step 9. Go back to step 6 until you reach your goal.

Step 10. Celebrate your achievement and then help someone else achieve one of their dreams! Then you’ll really have something amazing and great to celebrate!!

Chapter One of Rudy’s new book for free! Just visit: http://thecoreofhappiness.info/
Follow Rudy on twitter, Facebook,  at THE HAPPY BLOGGER, and at The World Needs More Happy.

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