SIGNS OF INFIDELITY

Have you ever wondered what you should do if you suspect your mate is cheating?

It happens to us all.

Currently, a Google search on “Infidelity” shows 4,230,000 web pages on this topic. Chances are, you have probably read a good amount of “How to tell if your spouse is cheating” or “What to do if you suspect your spouse is cheating” articles.

This is a little different.

My approach to detecting, preventing and surviving infidelity is a bit unusual by most, so called, conventional standards.

First things first…

Everyone is innocent – until proven otherwise.

Suspicion is NOT proof.

Finding “clues” and NO proof is circumstantial at best. And as reliable as your intuition may be – it’s still NOT proof.

Circumstantial “evidence” is not enough to convict in a court of law and it should not be enough to convince you either.

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make against their spouse is accepting “suspicious behavior” as proof of unfaithful behavior.

Jumping to conclusions or allowing the jealousy demon to whisper in your ears will only torture you.

2012 – The Year Of Change

If you want to make a written plan, some of the questions you might begin with are:

Where do I want to be three months from now; six months from now; or a year from now?
How am I going to get there?
What do I have to do to get myself from where I am to where I want to be?
What’s the first, small step I can take to get moving?

Stephen Brennan said, “Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a written plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.”

You will often be surprised how often the circumstances which will confront you, will fit in with plans you have laid out in advance.

Bernard Baruch, an adviser to many US Presidents, said, “Whatever failures I have known, whatever errors I have committed, whatever follies I have witnessed in private and public life have been the consequence of action without thought.”

CLASSIC CHEATERS’ BEHAVIOR

They are cheating Red Flag # 2 —Shifts in Behavior

Another big clue your partner is keeping a secret is when they have a noticeable “shift” in their behavior, interests or attitude.

Keeping in mind that many things can cause a person’s behavior to shift. It’s not always infidelity. It could be things like a new job, relocation, menopause, illness, financial stress, etc. But when there are no obvious reasons (and when everything else is relatively calm) shifts in behavior become a big red flag.

What follows are examples of some noticeable changes in behavior that clued some of our clients in on the fact that their partner was cheating.

CLASSIC CHEATERS’ BEHAVIOR

Number One Warning Sign Of A Cheating Spouse

Why are so many people blind sided by infidelity and cheating?

Why do so many betrayed partners never see it coming? Why are so many wayward partners not prepared to handle temptation?

Looking back, we ask ourselves: were there signs, red flags, glaring evidence we should have seen coming?

The answer is almost always: Yes and No.

Here’s why. In almost all cases of infidelity, the betrayed partner indeed has warning signs, but usually fails to recognize them in time. And what good is a warning sign if you don’t see it and understand its meaning? Not much.

Hindsight is 20/20.

When they look back AFTER the discovery, people tell me they clearly recognized a number of signs.

So what are the warning signs, clues, or patterns that signal a partner/spouse is being unfaithful to you?

Red Flag #1

Your Own Intuition

What is triggering these feelings?

Your intuition. I call it our “invisible” deception detection system.

Our intuition does not depend on logic (the conscious mind). It relies on energy and information (the subconscious mind).

The conscious mind is extremely limited in how much information it can draw from and process.

However, your subconscious mind does draw from ALL available information. (tone, past, patterns of behavior, body language, etc.)

So, while someone may try to convince us with logic that everything is okay…our intuition tells us the truth.

In hindsight, almost 90% of betrayed spouses recalled a moment of unease – a “hunch” their partners were involved with someone outside of their relationship. This almost always happens.

Why is this?

I believe it’s because…

…all affairs introduce deception.

Do You Need Life Advice?

Hello, I’m Steven Diamond and I really can help you.
I am honest, Open minded and very non-judgmental and can talk openly with you about any subject of concern. I can answer any and all questions regarding your LIFE and I am a specialist in dealing with guilt, anger and teaching you how to make your life and relationships work, getting you to the place you need to be for happiness to exist.

Do You Have A Shopping Addiction?

Oniomania, compulsive shopping (or what’s more commonly referred to as shopping addiction), is perhaps the most socially reinforced of the behavioral addictions.

We are surrounded by advertising, telling us that buying will make us happy. We are encouraged by politicians to spend as a way of boosting the economy. And we all want to have what those around us have –- consumerism has become a measure of our social worth.

Although widespread consumerism has escalated in recent years, shopping addiction is not a new disorder. It was recognized as far back as the early nineteenth century, and was cited as a psychiatric disorder in the early twentieth century.

Almost everyone shops to some degree, but only about 6% of the U.S. population is thought to have a shopping addiction. Usually beginning in the late teens and early adulthood, shopping addiction often co-occurs with other disorders, including mood and anxiety disorders, substance use disorders, eating disorders, other impulse control disorders, and personality disorders.
Normal Shopping v. Shopping Addiction

So what makes the difference between normal shopping, occasional splurges, and shopping addiction? As with all addictions, shopping becomes the person’s main way of coping with stress, to the point where they continue to shop excessively even when it is clearly having a negative impact on other areas of their life. As with other addictions, finances and relationships are damaged, yet the shopping addict feels unable to stop or even control their spending.

When Things Go Wrong

When things go wrong in life, it can feel like your world is falling apart. I’ve been there. There is an amazing quote by one of my favorite authors Pema Chödrön who said:

“It made me laugh to see that, just as I had so often said, making friends with our own demons and their accompanying insecurity leads to a very simple, understated relaxation and joy.” It’s so true. One of the greatest skills we can learn in our lives is to embrace our fears and the ensuing challenging times that follow as true opportunities for growth rather than something we need to avoid at all costs. Many people through out my life have called me “Brave” however the truth is that deep inside I have always felt unsure and insecure. The difference is that I would forge ahead and do what I knew in my heart had to be done anyway.

To me, being brave IS NOT about having no fear, it’s about feeling the fear and then doing what needs to be done.

Life is confusing

Have you ever noticed how confusing life can be? Sometimes you just don’t know which way to turn. Especially if you are paying attention to all the social cues we get bombarded with each day. Just navigating around can make a person want to scream sometimes. Here are some real examples that have been sent into me by my readers over the past few months.

Question: Can Stupid Be Fixed?

Sometimes you have to wonder if stupid can really be fixed.

What are people thinking when they act without thinking at all?

All actions have a direct consequence. If we would just take a second to think before we act on impulse, the prison system in this country (currently housing more then 2.4 million people) would not likely be at capacity.

I’m just say’n people… seriously!

Serious Stress

A person can make himself happy, or miserable, regardless of what is actually happening ‘outside,’ just by changing the contents of consciousness. We all know individuals who can transform hopeless situations into challenges to be overcome, just through the force of their personalities. This ability to persevere despite obstacles and setbacks is the quality people most admire in others, and justly so; it is probably the most important trait not only for succeeding in life, but for enjoying it as well.
To develop this trait, one must find ways to order consciousness so as to be in control of feelings and thoughts. It is best not to expect shortcuts will do the trick.

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