Is your Therapy Working?

How do you really know if your therapy is working?

Good question huh?

Therapy that works is a two way street. Both you and the therapist are team mates. And it takes a serious commitment on both parts to make sometimes difficult changes in behavior or thinking patterns that you have established over a life time.

It’s always a good idea to discuss with your therapist just what you would like the outcome of your counseling to be. Talk about realistic time frames for reaching realistic goals and agree on how you will measure your progress as you travel down the path of wellness.

Remember to be completely open and honest with your therapist and try your best to establish a solid foundation of communication. Often, this requires an elusive “chemistry” between both of you in which you feel comfortable with your counselor’s personality, approach and style. However, keep in mind that your therapist is not going to be a friend so to speak. They are there to guide you down the path. I like to think of them as a “Tour Guide”. If after the first the first few sessions you are not feeling the “communication chemistry”, I advise that you look for another counselor with whom you will feel more comfortable, open and honest.

Finding the right therapist is only the first step. The real challenge is in understanding in such an emotional state just how effective his or her therapy is for you.

Here are some signs I think are important to look for:

Keep in mind that it’s really up to you to make the changes in your life. In other words… You have to work at it.  An effective counselor can help pinpoint the obstacles in your way. But you have to help by being a good communicator. A good therapist can spot what’s going on and help suggest behavioral changes so you can overcome them. If you find certain obstacles you face involve factors beyond your control, you “Tour Guide” can teach you coping skills that will foster your well being in trying circumstances.

An effective therapist is really good at spotting negative thinking patterns that may be feeding your feelings of sadness, depression or anxiety. By encouraging you to muster up the personal strengths you need and teaching you real skills that really work, you can overcome self-inflicted feelings of hopelessness. Before you know it, you’ll develop a more positive attitude and outlook on life.

You will learn how to make positive changes in your relationships with others, helping you recognize behaviors that may be contributing to a troublesome relationship. A good therapist will teach you new ways of communicating, clearing the way for honest exchanges with people in your life who may be causing you emotional pain.

The best way to spot a great therapist is when they make you think about things or in ways that you never have before. Therapy is not a fast or easy solution. However, if you stick with it, in the end you will feel personal growth that empowers you to control your life and enjoy positive, life-affirming relationships with the people you care most about.

What To Expect On Your First Visit

So you’ve made the careful decision to seek professional therapy. You’ve checked your bank account and now you are ready. What’s going to happen when I sit down in that chair for the first time? What can I expect? What do I do? What do I say? Don’t worry, those feelings are all natural and here are some basic guide lines to help you understand the process.

The first session, your new therapist typically will ask certain questions about you and your life. That’s perfectly normal, they aren’t being nosey or trying to dig all up in your business. Try to relax and don’t be defensive.  This information helps him or her to make an initial assessment of your situation. They might ask you questions like:

Why did you decide to come to therapy. A particular issue probably led you to seek counseling, they know this already and that is what they are really asking. The therapist has to understand your surface problem(s) before he can get to the deeper issues.

What’s going on in your world and what was your childhood like. The therapist might ask you a series of questions about the history life you have lived. For example, because family situations play an important role in who you are, They might ask about your family history and your current family situation. Be truthful and answer the questions as honestly as you can.

What are you feeling inside right now. Your new therapist will attempt to find out through asking a series of in depth questions if you’re suffering from other symptoms of your problem. They want to know for example, if your problem might be caused by difficulty or stress at work, your home, in a particular relationship or any sort of combination.

Truly, they do need this information to better understand you and your current situation. And, while they may make a diagnosis at the end of your first visit, it’s more likely that a diagnosis will take a few more sessions. Trust me, they don’t always get it right the first time. So take any “first blush” diagnosis as just that.

You can’t just sit there and expect miracles to happen.

This is going to be a team effort if you ever expect to really get anything out of it. If you don’t take an active part and truly participate in the session, you won’t get much out of the overall experience and you’ll basically be wasting your money. I did that too in the beginning. No need to play games. You are the one paying for this. However, you have to participate because the therapist can do anything without honest answers from you.  Here are some things you can do to make your first session as successful as possible.

Be open and honest. This is the most important thing you can do. Good therapists are highly trained to ask the right questions, but they’re not mind readers either. So answer the questions openly and honestly from day one.

Go in there fully prepared. Before you go, stop and think about how to describe “what’s wrong in my life.” and “what is it I really want to change”. The best way to prepare I found, is to write down the reasons you’re seeking help. Make a list and then read it out loud. Hearing yourself say it a few times will help you describe things more clearly to the therapist.

Be brave and ask questions. The more you understand by asking questions, the more comfortable you’ll feel. Knowledge is power and unless you ask, there is no real way to fully know.  Ask questions about the overall process, and do NOT hesitate to ask the therapist to repeat anything you don’t fully understand. Remember, questions are FREE. Well, sort of…

Don’t be overwhelmed, relax. I know that your head will be spinning with all sorts of questions and worries and concerns during this first session. Relax. Breathe deep.  Listen to your own reactions and gut feelings, and share them with the therapist. You’ll both learn from these insights.

Don’t set overly high expectation for your therapy. Therapy is not a quick fix or a magic cure for your problems, rather it is a process or as I like to think of it, as a journey. In time, you will begin to see the difference in your life and feel better about the direction you are traveling.