Most of us were taught that success would result in fewer problems and more happiness.  While wealth can certainly make physical existence more comfortable, it does not necessarily bring emotional or spiritual satisfaction.

In a world that is now dominated by brief, matter-of-fact communications like texting, voicemail, Facebook and Twitter, although more contact is made, less intimacy is experienced.

More and more people find it meaningless to live in a world that is dominated by “facts” because our very humanness embraces a full range of emotions and sensations that dwell in the heart.

There are many life experiences where a slight gesture, a tear, a spontaneous laugh, or even silence can express more deeply, more meaningfully, and more intimately than mere words can.

It is for this reason that I continue to provide what I consider to be the most essential life skill for emotional survival in the 21st century:  an ability to counsel oneself and others.   Because people tend to communicate on the surface about what’s “going on” in their lives, less time is given to “who we are” and “how we are coping.”

Conscious counseling can provide immediate access to one’s own soul, calling attention to the inner world that often gets left aside in the “stories” about life experiences.

Practice listening when others speak.

Validate what they are saying by acknowledging their position, even if you don’t necessarily agree.

You can take your turn to to speak after they feel heard.

Such communications will not only counterbalance loneliness, but will deepen your relationships, as well.

Dr. Sunny Massad is the author of UnTherapy: A Positive Psychology for Enlightened Living and the President of the Hawaii Wellness Institute.

For More Information, please visit:  www.hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org

This year, we are introducing some great new, innovative and exciting features to StopStressingNow.Com. The first of those being “Guest Bloggers.” Each week, we will introduce you to someone special who has something of real value to contribute to your life. The first of those being Dr. Sunny Massad of Hawaii.

Dr. Sunny Massad is the President and Founder of the Hawaii Wellness Institute, author of “UnTherapy”, and runs a busy private practice as a counselor specializing in stress-related issues in Honolulu Hawaii. We asked her to help us start the new year off right by providing us with “5  Ways to Prevent Self-sabotage in 2010″.

Here are her expert suggestions: Dr. Sunny Massad –

Getting ready to make a New Year’s resolution or are you “over it” because they don’t work out anyway?  Here are a few ways to keep yourself on track in 2010.

1.  Instead of trying to stay positive, try validating the “negative” feelings that lurk in the shadows.  What sounds like “whining” is sometimes simply a call for attention! Whining can be attempted communications from your soul to bring awareness that you have needs that are apparently not being met.  If you are complaining about someone else, you’ve either got to communicate with them, back away from them, or shift your beliefs about them so that you can make your peace that “this is the way they are.”  In short: love them or leave them!

2.  Are you sick of repeating the same old story over and over again?  Refuse to repeat it.  What happened in your past cannot be changed.  But the  meaning you make of that past is up to you.  You have a choice of victimizing yourself over and over again with those memories, or you can identify the lessons you learned from that past and move on! Stay focused in the moment.  Find a way to become “stuck in your story no more.”

3.  If we were to put a microphone up to your brain when you were talking to yourself, would we hear a supportive voice of praise or would we hear the wrath of self-criticism?  Practice reversing old damage from those who once criticized you.  The longer you repeat what they told you, the longer you will continue to give them power over you.  Learn to praise yourself for your own personal admissions and insightful thoughts.

4.  If you find yourself complaining about parts of yourself that you mercilessly judge, you have the power to transform your judgments by turning them into goals.  For example, if you wish you were in better physical condition, instead of feeling victimized by your own apathy, ask yourself what you want instead of a lousy body and body image and create a step-by-step daily plan to get yourself there.

5.  If you are not arriving at the door of 2010 living the life that you want to live, you are not alone.  Most people live lives they accept until they outgrow the routines that once worked but no longer do.  Break your goals into small steps that you can manage.  And hold yourself accountable.  If you want to break old patterns, do everything you say you want to do whether you feel like it or not.  Your self-esteem will rise and your self-respect will grow.  That is how you can best align your daily life with your values.  Go for it.  If you drop the ball, and God knows we all drop the ball sometimes, pick it back up.  Do it for yourself so you can die with a sense of integrity when it’s your time to go!

Dr. Sunny Massad is the President and Founder of the Hawaii Wellness Institute, author of UnTherapy, and runs a busy private practice as a telephone counselor specializing stress-related issues in Honolulu Hawaii.  For more information:  www.untherapy.com or www.hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org