Tweet You would be shocked at the number of lies, myths and the variety of excuses associated with infidelity. I have gotten to the point now where I feel I can’t be shocked. Yet, over and over again, I am surprised by the ingenuity of wayward partners. Certain people seem to possess a yearning for [...]
Have you ever wondered what you should do if you suspect your mate is cheating?
It happens to us all.
Currently, a Google search on “Infidelity” shows 4,230,000 web pages on this topic. Chances are, you have probably read a good amount of “How to tell if your spouse is cheating” or “What to do if you suspect your spouse is cheating” articles.
This is a little different.
My approach to detecting, preventing and surviving infidelity is a bit unusual by most, so called, conventional standards.
First things first…
Everyone is innocent – until proven otherwise.
Suspicion is NOT proof.
Finding “clues” and NO proof is circumstantial at best. And as reliable as your intuition may be – it’s still NOT proof.
Circumstantial “evidence” is not enough to convict in a court of law and it should not be enough to convince you either.
One of the biggest mistakes I see people make against their spouse is accepting “suspicious behavior” as proof of unfaithful behavior.
Jumping to conclusions or allowing the jealousy demon to whisper in your ears will only torture you.
They are cheating Red Flag # 2 —Shifts in Behavior
Another big clue your partner is keeping a secret is when they have a noticeable “shift” in their behavior, interests or attitude.
Keeping in mind that many things can cause a person’s behavior to shift. It’s not always infidelity. It could be things like a new job, relocation, menopause, illness, financial stress, etc. But when there are no obvious reasons (and when everything else is relatively calm) shifts in behavior become a big red flag.
What follows are examples of some noticeable changes in behavior that clued some of our clients in on the fact that their partner was cheating.
CLASSIC CHEATERS’ BEHAVIOR
Why are so many people blind sided by infidelity and cheating?
Why do so many betrayed partners never see it coming? Why are so many wayward partners not prepared to handle temptation?
Looking back, we ask ourselves: were there signs, red flags, glaring evidence we should have seen coming?
The answer is almost always: Yes and No.
Here’s why. In almost all cases of infidelity, the betrayed partner indeed has warning signs, but usually fails to recognize them in time. And what good is a warning sign if you don’t see it and understand its meaning? Not much.
Hindsight is 20/20.
When they look back AFTER the discovery, people tell me they clearly recognized a number of signs.
So what are the warning signs, clues, or patterns that signal a partner/spouse is being unfaithful to you?
Red Flag #1
Your Own Intuition
What is triggering these feelings?
Your intuition. I call it our “invisible” deception detection system.
Our intuition does not depend on logic (the conscious mind). It relies on energy and information (the subconscious mind).
The conscious mind is extremely limited in how much information it can draw from and process.
However, your subconscious mind does draw from ALL available information. (tone, past, patterns of behavior, body language, etc.)
So, while someone may try to convince us with logic that everything is okay…our intuition tells us the truth.
In hindsight, almost 90% of betrayed spouses recalled a moment of unease – a “hunch” their partners were involved with someone outside of their relationship. This almost always happens.
Why is this?
I believe it’s because…
…all affairs introduce deception.
Many of my callers both on my radio show and on my relationship advice line have wanted to know why men cheat. Tiger Woods, former presidential candidate John Edwards and Kobe Bryant are but a few of the high profile men who have cheated. But you don’t have to be rich and famous to have this problem. It has nothing to do with money. In fact, the simple truth is that many men cheat because of the adventure it creates from an otherwise boring or routine life.
Recently, while having lunch with a dear friend of mine the topic of “Why men cheat” came up in our conversation. He is a private detective and told me that 90% of his clients today are spouses who are suspicious of a mate that is cheating. I was shocked when he told me that if a spouse is truly suspicious in their heart of hearts that the other is cheating, they are usually 95% correct. He has investigated thousands of cases over the past 25 years. So I began an investigation of my own and looked into the top 5 reasons your hubby or significant other might be on the prowl.
Many therapists are seeing growing numbers of people struggling with anxiety about how America’s (and the world’s), problems are affecting them.
Floods. Hurricanes. Tsunamis. Earthquakes. Volcanoes (both with pronounceable and unpronounceable names). Drought. Violence. Crime. Terrorism. Suicide Bombers. War. Child Soldiers. Oil Spills. Global Warming. Global Cooling. Disease. Epidemics. Autism. Learning Disabilities. Physical Disabilities. Poverty. Hunger. Economic Downturn. Unemployment. Job Instability. Debt. Bills. Abuse. Infidelity. Arguments. Divorce. Bullying. Traffic. (And the Loneliness. Sadness. Depression. Worry. Fear. Anxiety associated with them).
These are some of the topics many therapists are hearing about lately.