Have you recently been passed over for promotion? Seeing a peer being offered advancement opportunities while your career seems stuck in a rut can be an unpleasant experience. This is especially true when you consider your skill set and commitment to be equal to (or better than) that of your promoted coworker. Coping with the emotional fall out of this situation requires objective self examination and good communication. Stressing out about your capabilities and worth isn’t effective either so the best thing to do is find out what happened and get feedback.

Talking to Your Boss

Storming into your manager’s office and demanding an explanation for why you weren’t chosen is a bad idea for obvious reasons. Someone who can’t stay in control of their emotions isn’t ready for additional responsibilities. On the other hand, trying to figure out “what went wrong” all on your own is a sure way to become paranoid and depressed. So, it is OK to talk to your boss about how the decision to promote a peer was reached – once you have calmed down. Here’s an example of a respectful way you can talk to your boss that may shed some light on what’s holding you back in terms of your career:

“I know that making assumptions often leads to disappointment, but I was surprised when my peer was offered this project (or promotion) instead of me. I think he/she will do a great job; but I was wondering how that decision was reached so I can step up my game for the next time an opportunity presents itself. Could we look at my last few performance reviews together and identify areas where I can show more leadership?”

This approach lets your boss know 3 things:

• You are actively seeking advancement and your potential shouldn’t be ignored
• You are willing to make changes to become a better candidate for promotion
• You have the emotional maturity to work through a problem instead of becoming frustrated and giving up

Why Were You Passed Over for Promotion?

It might be that a strong mentoring relationship is missing from your career. This is often true if you see that a peer who is not necessarily “better” at their job but who has the right connections gets promoted faster than you. While this may not seem fair, it is true that the further up the corporate ladder you climb the better you have to be at networking. You might as well start now by finding a mentor.

One mindset you want to stay away from is the belief that you are being discriminated against based on being (or not being) a member of a protected group. Unless there is a clear pattern or evidence of this behavior in your organization, going down that road is not helpful for your career. It is more likely that there are practical reasons why your boss perceives one of your peers as having the best skills for a particular job.

Keep Your Chin Up

Occasionally, there comes a point where the powers that be simply have to make a decision between two equally qualified candidates. If your boss indicates that this was the case, don’t despair. There will be more opportunities in the future and one of them will have your name on it. In the meantime, make a list of all the talents and abilities you bring to your job that no one else does and in parallel, don’t fall into the trap of comparing against your peer. Focus on yourself and leverage your internal networks to keep what you do and who you are top of mind.

Listen To An Amazing Live Interview With Tony About Workplace Stress – Click Here!

Mr. Tony Deblauwe

Tony Deblauwe is a Workplace Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area.
He is an award-winning and regular contributor to career social networks sites
such as Brazen Careerist and TrackAhead. He directs the Innovation
Committee for Career Directors International.

For more information on Tony, please visit: http://www.workbabble.com

Many of today’s workers are faced with a stressful caregiving situation as their parents become more and more dependent. Even if you don’t have an aging parent living with you, there’s a good chance you could be “on call”. Mom may fall and break her hip while she’s home alone; Dad might have a memory lapse and be found wandering the streets. As the emergency contact, you’re the one who is asked to come and sort things out.

If a health issue is ongoing, FMLA may kick in. This provides you with legally protected (but unpaid) leave to care for an ill family member if you work for a company with 50+ employees. However, when you pitch in to care for a mother or father in-law FMLA does not apply. So far, the law hasn’t caught up with the realities of elder caregiving. It’s up to employers to decide when and if emergency time off will be granted or if you will be fired for attendance violations.

Some Employers Have a Double Standard

Many employers seem to have a compassionate attitude about parents having to leave the office suddenly when a dependent child needs them. Part of this has to do with a wariness of being accused of discriminating against women. After all, it’s still usually Mom who gets the call to deal with a child-related emergency – even if both parents work.

However, employers don’t always view the elder caregiving relationship as a serious commitment. Apparently, they figure you can just get someone else to step in and take care of an emergent need. Unlike in the UK, there is currently no law protecting U.S. employees’ right to put family first in these situations. Employees can’t afford to wait for the law to catch up – they need to start negotiating for changes in the workplace now.

Start Advocating Early

Fortunately, according to statistics published by the Sloan Work and Family Research Network, over 80% of both large and small companies are willing to allow employees to take some time off for elder care. So, the chances of reaching an agreement are high. Just be aware that asking for “special treatment” on an ongoing basis isn’t the best approach unless you are also offering to give something back (e.g. take on additional responsibilities or accept a cut in pay).

Negotiate for Changes in Policy

Is your employer among those who are less inclined to grant emergency leave for workers with aging parents? You will need to make a stronger argument for why a change in policy/benefits will be good for everyone. With the aging Baby Boomer generation greatly increasing the demands on caregivers, employers can’t ignore these needs for much longer. Offering elder care related benefits, moral support, and flexible scheduling arrangements can actually increase productivity for employees with aging parents. It has also been shown to decrease absenteeism – and presenteeism (workers handling caregiving issues on the clock).

Here are some great links to research that clearly shows why companies need to revisit their stance on this issue:

Why It Makes Good Business Sense to Help Employees with Emergency Eldercare Needs

Report on the Impact of Corporate Eldercare Programs

Advice for Employees and Employers

HR’s Viewpoint on Elder Care Issues

Elder Caregiving Statistics

Hopefully, these resources will help you present a compelling case for why your employer will actually increase profitability by accommodating workers with elder caregiving responsibilities. After all, your parents were there for you growing up, you need the flexibility to be for them now.

Listen To An Amazing Live Interview With Tony About Workplace Stress – Click Here!

Mr. Tony Deblauwe

Tony Deblauwe is a Workplace Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area.
He is an award-winning and regular contributor to career social networks sites
such as Brazen Careerist and TrackAhead. He directs the Innovation
Committee for Career Directors International.

For more information on Tony, please visit: http://www.workbabble.com

“I Fired My Dad” – Managing Multi-Generational Employees as a Gen Y Boss

By Guest Blogger: Tony Deblauwe

Are you in your 20s to early 30s and filling a managerial role at your job? Congratulations! Your work ethic, educational accomplishments, and job skills are paying off already. As a Gen Y boss, you’ve got a bright future ahead if you can learn how leverage the talents of those who report to you. This can be a particularly challenging task when your employees are older – in some cases – old enough to be your parents. It’s even more challenging when you encounter performance problems that can result in disciplinary actions that can, in some cases, lead to termination.

Many Gen Y managers are adapting, often rapidly, with how best to manage the needs and motivations of a multi-generational team. Supervising an older workforce as a young adult highlights the generation differences that impact work relationships. This can create a host of awkward and stressful communication challenges to Gen Y managers.

Generation Profiles: Comparing Work Styles

In order to understand how to approach performance issues between a younger manager and an older employee, you have to recognize that discrepancies abound between Gen Y and other generations in terms of work ethic. The chart below highlights some typical attitudinal differences about work between generations that make up the bulk of current workforce populations.

Immediately you can see where conflict can arise in perceptions of performance measurement. A Gen Y manager might expect a Boomer employee to be connected all the time, produce information electronically, and value the needs of the team over the needs of the individual. The Boomer employee may view the Gen Y manager as naïve, unrealistic, lacking focus, and ill-equipped to deal with “how things really work.” Both parties demand respect in terms of what they bring to their jobs, but the Gen Y manager, eager to please and make sure everyone gets along, can feel helpless and eclipsed by the Boomer who takes issue with where the power lies in the relationship (i.e. with my time in the workforce, I should be manager not this green no-knowing).  While these two generations offer the most probable cause for conflict, with Gen X, issues over how to work, and what they get included in regarding bigger strategic decisions, can create problems for the Gen Y manager as well.

So, while many of the Gen Y character traits are highly beneficial in today’s fast paced workplace, many of these traits create a world view and reality that can negatively affect how a Gen Y manager relates to older employees.

Performance Management Tips for Gen Y

For a Gen Y manager, giving feedback to Baby Boomer or Gen X employees can be uncomfortable – and you aren’t mistaken in assuming that it’s hard for many older workers to hear it from you. Acknowledging this fact is the first step in handling the emotional ramifications of being a younger boss.

Here are some tips for approaching performance management for older employees firmly but with compassion and respect:

1. Remember that the boss/employee relationship is not a contest where you need to prove that you are smarter or “better” than your direct reports. Instead, be honest about the fact that you are still developing as a manager and need the cooperation of senior employees to become an effective leader.
2. Don’t let your need for approval or deference to older people keeps you from pursuing disciplinary action in accordance with company policy. Rely on HR to support you in resolving conflicts until you feel comfortable going it alone.
3. Watch your tone when recognizing the contributions of older workers so you don’t sound condescending. Frame praise as respectful acknowledgement of the work of an accomplished peer.
4. When you need an older worker to make changes, introduce these one at a time. Don’t let impatience and perfectionism make you overly critical of slow adoption of new processes or systems.
5. Listen as much as you talk so you can understand the viewpoints and opinions of older employees rather than making assumptions. You’ll be surprised how much you learn!

As with any management role you have to be ready for difficult conversations around performance expectations. Engaging early, providing feedback and paying attention to different styles goes a long way in creating trust and a balanced relationship with your employees. If you do have to terminate an older worker, and you feel confident you have exhausted all attempts at setting expectations and talking through the issues, don’t dwell on the decision. For Gen Y this can be a sign of failure – of breaching harmony – but in fact, it’s a sign of personal and professional growth in handling adversity and gaining valuable career skills in the process.

Listen To An Amazing Live Interview With Tony About Workplace Stress – Click Here!

Mr. Tony Deblauwe

Tony Deblauwe is a Workplace Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area.
He is an award-winning and regular contributor to career social networks sites
such as Brazen Careerist and TrackAhead. He directs the Innovation
Committee for Career Directors International.

For more information on Tony, please visit: http://www.workbabble.com

Are you having difficulty managing workplace stress because there is simply too much on your plate? When the responsibilities of your position are unclear, this will make you feel overloaded. Clarifying the scope of your job duties and your role within the organization can offer relief. You will be able to prioritize and organize your day-to-day activities much more easily.

Also, you can unload tasks that are rightfully part of a co-worker’s (or boss’s) job function. When you no longer feel stuck trying to do it all, you will perform more effectively and productively. This will increase your sense of satisfaction and your confidence in your own abilities.
Reduce Your Workload

Make a list of everything you do within your department. Don’t try to do this in one day – you will leave stuff out. Spend at least a week writing down each task that is assigned to you and those you do without being asked. Think back over the past 30 days and add any recurring monthly chores (such as inventory, reports, or bookkeeping). Label this document List A.
Next, review List A and transfer any tasks that you believe are not really your responsibility to a second list (List B). Review the new, shorter version of List A with your boss. Ask him to verify that these are your expected duties. Ask if there are any other assigned responsibilities that you have forgotten to include. Give your boss a few days to think about this.
Then, if he has nothing to add it is time to bring out List B (which you haven’t mentioned until now). Discuss the fact that these are additional tasks you are currently performing. Let your boss know that you have been picking up the slack since you weren’t sure who was supposed to be doing these things. Tell him you are ready to pass these tasks on to any of his employees he feels are being underutilized.

Best case scenario, your boss will respect that you are standing up for yourself and support your efforts in managing workplace stress proactively. Worst case, he or she will want you to keep on doing everything on List B. Now is the time to negotiate since your boss is (by his or her own admission) asking you to go above and beyond your duties. Treat this as a personal favor and set a timeline for him or her to find someone else to take over these tasks.

Increase Your Earnings

Create List A as described above. The, get your hands on an organization chart for your department. This critical diagram showing your assigned place in the “big picture” of the department. Also, obtain a detailed copy of the job description for your position if one is available. You may well find that your actual duties include far more than the responsibilities that apply to your current pay grade.

Part of this is the natural process of becoming increasingly more productive over time. Development and expansion of your capabilities is expected and creates valuable learning opportunities for you. However, if you are in a position with no direct reports and yet are training/supervising new employees without formal recognition, it’s time to address the issue. The same applies if you have become an in-house expert department leaders turn to for special projects.

Managing stress is always easier if you don’t feel your work is underpaid and unappreciated. Choose this time to negotiate for an increase in pay and/or a promotion. It may even be possible to have a new position created in the org chart that more accurately represents your contribution to the company. Discuss which job duties can be handed down to a less senior employee so you can concentrate on the core functions of your new position.

Listen To An Amazing Live Interview With Tony About Workplace Stress – Click Here!

Mr. Tony Deblauwe

Tony Deblauwe is a Workplace Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area.
He is an award-winning and regular contributor to career social networks sites
such as Brazen Careerist and TrackAhead. He directs the Innovation
Committee for Career Directors International.

For more information on Tony, please visit: http://www.workbabble.com

A career change can be a difficult transition, even if you are excited about pursuing your dreams. Maybe you’ve just earned an online degree that has opened up possibilities in a new field. Or, perhaps you have decided to start your own business. Either way, job stress management will be important during the remaining weeks or months at your current place of employment. You’ve got a lot going on – especially if you have significant obligations to fulfill at your old job before you move forward.

Pressure from Your Boss

Ironically, the more your boss likes and depends on you the worse her reaction may be when you give your notice. Sometimes, a manager will take it personally when you decide to leave. This can create unnecessary stress during your departure phase. Give your boss a few days to adjust; he or she will generally come around to being happy for you.

Leaving on good terms is important for keeping emotional stress to a minimum. Knowledge retention is one of the most important parting gifts you can give your old employer. Before you even announce your intention to leave, begin putting together a transition folder. It should include detailed instructions for how to do the more difficult parts of your job – the things it took you years to learn because no one told you how to do them.

Present this to your boss when you give your notice and offer her some options. She can have you continue to document your job, provide mentoring/training for your replacement, or simply keep performing your duties as usual until your last day. This shows good faith on your part and can make it easier for your boss to fill your position when you are gone.

Pressure from Your New Job

Your future employer probably isn’t sweating you about stuff yet, but you are no doubt getting nervous anyway. It is normal to be anxious when you are about to start all over again in an unfamiliar environment.

If you have been mailed a new-hire packet, go through it thoroughly and make a list of questions to ask on your first day. Even better, if you are given access to an acculturation onboarding portal take full advantage of it. Browse the profiles of your soon-to-be coworkers, and start building relationships and making connections.

Pressure from Your New Business

Are you are going into business for yourself? You are dealing with long hours and lots of decisions. You are probably also worried about whether or not you will succeed or crash and burn. Good job stress management skills are especially critical during the startup phase.

You may have been working two full time jobs for quite a while as you built your own business venture and continued working for your existing employer. Now is the time to shift your energy and your focus entirely into your future. Disassociate from any office drama – you are leaving that world behind. Streamline your “day job” by offloading any long-term projects ASAP. Your boss should be willing to help you do this so things don’t come crashing to a halt when you leave.

You also shouldn’t let your new business enterprise take over your life. The habits you make regarding work/life balance when you are getting your company off the ground are likely to persist. If you don’t make time for your family and relaxation now, you won’t later either. This doesn’t mean you can’t work evenings and weekends. However, you should do at least one thing every day that will:

• Promote the growth of your business
• Strengthen your relationship with your loved ones
• Nurture or pamper yourself

No matter what kind of career change you are experiencing, preparation and focus are key. If you can accomplish this, your chances of succeeding on the job and in life will reap the rewards you so strongly worked for.

Read all of Tony’s blog posts by clicking right here!

Listen To An Enlightening Interview With Tony By Clicking Here!

Mr. Tony Deblauwe

Tony Deblauwe is a Workplace Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area.
He is an award-winning and regular contributor to career social networks sites
such as Brazen Careerist and TrackAhead. He directs the Innovation
Committee for Career Directors International.

For more information on Tony, please visit: http://www.workbabble.com

Mr. Tony Deblauwe

Tony Deblauwe is a Workplace Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area.
He is an award-winning and regular contributor to career social networks sites
such as Brazen Careerist and TrackAhead. He directs the Innovation
Committee for Career Directors International.

When it comes to dealing with a “Tyrant” who happens to be your BOSS, I can certainly speak first hand. I use to be a concierge at the Venetian Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas and my boss was on a power trip of the highest order. She ran the department by purposefully cultivating a culture of fear. That’s never a smart strategy. It only serves to make the people who work for you hate you behind your back and even do things out of spite. She was an expert at threatening people into doing what she wanted, and would even get them to lie for her. It wasn’t a very happy place to work.  However, I learned a lot from that experience. She taught me a lot about “Tangling with Tyrants”

I’m sure there are more then a few of you out there in the same situation. So I have asked a top Human Resource expert and the best selling author of “Tangling with Tyrants: Managing the Balance of Power at Work” to write a series of articles to help shed some light on this topic which can create such stress in our lives.

So it’s with great pleasure that I introduce to you, our newest guest blogger here at StopStressingNow.Com

For more information on Tony, please visit: http://www.workbabble.com

How Workplace Stress Can Be Good for You

By Tony Deblauwe

When you hear about workplace stress on the news, it is typically a reminder of how this condition can be enormously destructive to your health. Consistently high stress levels that are poorly managed are linked to everything from depression to heart disease. However, there is also evidence that some types of stress have an upside. Let’s explore this concept and how you can harness it to further your career.

Recent Research Shows Benefits of Stress

Most healthcare professionals are reluctant to use terms like “good stress”. They are concerned that people will use this as a reason to ignore stress in their lives – with all the bad consequences that can bring. However, there are a number of researchers who are breaking the silence about this controversial topic. Here are a few recent pieces of information you may find enlightening:

A University of Texas study found that people who are in challenging, creative professions are healthier than the average person.

In 2004, Doctors Suzanne Segerstrom and Gregory Miller reported in the Psychological Bulletin that the hormones released during an episode of short-term stress may actually boost immune function.

Developmental psychologist Janet DiPietro from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health states that most people perform best when they are under mild to moderate stress.

Keep in mind that all of these professionals agree that chronic stress is harmful. So, don’t overdo it. They also acknowledge that deciding how much is “too much” is highly individual. Learning to your workplace stress doesn’t mean eliminating it altogether. In fact, there may be times when you need to challenge yourself with a little stress to help you excel.

Here are some ways you could use “good stress” to pull ahead of the pack at work:

Win or Lose Can Be Win-Win

There is nothing like some friendly competition at work to get your adrenaline pumping. See if management is open to a productivity challenge. This could pit one shift or department against another to see which team can improve performance the most in a 30 day period.

Or, you can recruit one or two coworkers to take part in a smaller competition to achieve your “personal bests”. Offer a small prize (say, a $20 gift card) for the winner. That money is a wise investment that can pay off during your next performance evaluation when your productivity soars.

Do Something That Scares You

For most people, the thought of public speaking is terrifying. If you have never presented any type of report in a business meeting, prepare one this time. It should be short and cover a topic you know very well. Use notes to prompt you along (memorization is for the pros). Stand up to talk so you get the full “butterfly in the stomach” feeling of being on stage.

If this seems like too much workplace stress, consider offering to do a presentation during orientation for the next batch of new-hires. They don’t know you (and you have seniority over them), so you may feel less embarrassed and nervous. Either way, you will build a reputation for leadership and good communication.

Get Creative – and Helpful

Volunteer to solve a problem for your boss. Pick something that you know is doable. However, it should require some creative thinking on your part. If possible, figure out 2 or 3 potential solutions. Why? Because your boss may shoot down your first idea and you need a backup plan! It doesn’t really matter if your suggestions are filed away or implemented. You will still earn points for being an original thinker – someone to keep an eye on for future development during succession planning.

Working environments continue to change in response to economic conditions, competitive demands, and talent shortages. Remember that you can find opportunities to challenge yourself in ways that improve your work performance and your contribution in the eyes of your co-workers and your boss.

Tony Deblauwe is a Workplace Expert and Founder of Silicon Valley based services firm, HR4Change.
He is an award-winning author and regular contributor to career social networks sites
such as Brazen Careerist, and TrackAhead.  He has been quoted by CareerBuilder, The Ladders and various HR publications. Check out his blog at www.workbabble.com

I’m sure there are more then a few of you out there in the same situation. So I have asked a top Human Resource expert and the best selling author of “Tangling with Tyrants: Managing the Balance of Power at Work” to write a series of articles to help shed some light on this topic which can create such stress in our lives.

So it’s with great pleasure that I introduce to you, our newest guest blogger here at StopStressingNow.Com

Mr. Tony Deblauwe

How To Be a Tyrant Tamer

Since I began my career in Human Resources over 15 years ago, I have been fortunate to observe a variety of work environments. I’ve seen the differences between organizations that focus on their talent versus those that don’t and what that means to the bottom line. One thing I’ve learned is no matter how great your organizational model is, it still comes down to the ways of working between people. This is especially true in the reporting relationship with your boss. When you and your boss can’t connect, your job changes. Your frustration impacts your performance, interest in your job, and eventually, your personal life.

When you’re stuck, it’s important to develop the right communication process and change the situation. I developed Tangling with Tyrants: Managing the Balance of Power at Work
to show people what it takes to turn a bad boss around. I reported to a bad boss once, and I did everything wrong. I was stressed all the time, I brooded over what I’d do next – everything but face the challenge head-on. As I began coaching people, I found the issue was widespread. Being the HR contact, I was expected to know what to do. Eventually I found a process that worked and chronicled techniques that were practical and quick to implement.

The initial steps to changing how you interact with your boss comes from understanding the outcomes you want. It may seem obvious, but people often drive change through emotion. “I hate my boss and I’m not going to let him get away with it.” You’re charged up, you want things to change now and unfortunately you can make hasty decisions that could make the situation worse.  One tip – make a list of what bothers you in the behavior then describe what would change for you if these challenges were removed. This baseline helps you focus and create a mind-set of how to get different results.

It’s not impossible to take the stress out of dealing with a difficult and demanding boss. Negotiating your needs and focusing on mutually beneficial outcomes that are business centered create balance between you and your boss. In an uncertain economy you don’t always have the luxury of quitting. Sometimes you have to take a different tactic and approach to foster a new direction. I am in awe every time I get feedback about how someone’s life has changed simply by making a decision to act. Be your own change agent, take back your work environment, stay productive, and know you have the ability to tame your Tyrant!

Tony Deblauwe is a Workplace Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area.
He is an award-winning and regular contributor to career social networks sites
such as Brazen Careerist, TrackAhead, and Careerealism. He directs the Innovation
Committee for Career Directors International.

For more information on Tony, please visit: http://www.workbabble.com