I have to admit… I’ve been stressing way too much. When it comes down to it, I just can’t help it! I mean what else can I do? If this sounds like yourself you are not alone. I over stress too and even dropped the ball about writing this article. I was even going to change careers to change my stress. But guess what… the too much stressing didn’t change my future it only made me ill. It took me taking a step back from the chaos and realizing just what damage I was doing to myself. I had to practice what I preached.
I get so many calls from frustrated women asking me why they just can’t understand their man.
Well, it takes one to know one. Men are a special breed and do not always function at the high intellectual nature of women. So here are some the top three things to really keep in mind when you are trying to figure out what he’s thinking.
A controversial look at whether a marriage can be saved—or if it’s “time to go.”
For the millions caught in unhappy marriages, consumed by sadness, anger, and fear, the question haunts: “Should I divorce?” Now, in their insightful new book, a husband-and-wife team of marriage experts helps readers find the answer by taking them through ten steps to determine if their relationship has reached the breaking point.
While Drs. Birnbach and Hyman do not advocate divorce, they point out that the most desirable situation—a happy long-term marriage—may simply not be possible in some cases. The book also discusses how the lives of people who stay in chronically unhappy marriages compare with those who split up. Filled with poignant case studies, cutting-edge research, and a 100-question self-assessment to determine if it’s “time to go,” this unique guide dispels the myths about divorce and enables readers to recognize if there is still hope . . . or if they (and their families) are better off apart.
Here are five instant stress relievers, in no particular order…
1. Humor—Simple but foolproof. If you can poke a bit of fun at your stressful situation or your reaction to it, you’ll find you can diffuse a lot of the tension. If you can’t, Google some jokes and find one or two that tickle your funny bone.
2. Music—Studies have shown that listening to music that mirrors a depressed mood actually can lift a person out of symptoms of depression. However, when overloaded and stressed out, it is best to listen to whatever music you find soothing. If it has a slow beat (with or without percussion), even better. The beat will entrain your heart and slow down your pulse! Five minutes ought to do the trick.
I just started writing my calendar for the next three months. It should cause panic because there wasn’t enough lines for all the to-dos. But I’m not freaking out or having tunnel vision. My palms aren’t sweaty and my heart isn’t racing. My life should feel like a roller coaster right? No, I’m not on prescription medication. The focus has to change how I love with stress. It’s a challenge each and every day to balance life today. As I speak to families across America, families are struggling. There are so many factors that we feel “have to make us happy.” And when we don’t have “it” then we are unhappy, stressed, anxious, and so much more. The best way I can related our lives is we want to live a movie of happiness.
Many of my callers both on my radio show and on my relationship advice line have wanted to know why men cheat. Tiger Woods, former presidential candidate John Edwards and Kobe Bryant are but a few of the high profile men who have cheated. But you don’t have to be rich and famous to have this problem. It has nothing to do with money. In fact, the simple truth is that many men cheat because of the adventure it creates from an otherwise boring or routine life.
Recently, while having lunch with a dear friend of mine the topic of “Why men cheat” came up in our conversation. He is a private detective and told me that 90% of his clients today are spouses who are suspicious of a mate that is cheating. I was shocked when he told me that if a spouse is truly suspicious in their heart of hearts that the other is cheating, they are usually 95% correct. He has investigated thousands of cases over the past 25 years. So I began an investigation of my own and looked into the top 5 reasons your hubby or significant other might be on the prowl.
One of the worst relationship mistakes which, unfortunately, is quite popular today, is believing that one should be a completely open book to one’s partner or prospective partner. While being honest to one’s partner is positive, some people fail to realize that honesty does not mean giving their partners every single detail of their lives. Although this can create unnecessary jealousy and resentment, it can go even further. People who develop this habit fail to realize that people are intended to have some degree of privacy. This includes certain experiences from one’s past and personal life, as well as thoughts and feelings. While people who make this mistake often believe that it encourages communication, it usually backfires. “Telling all,” and prodding one’s partner to do the same, strips away the essential sense of privacy which every person needs for himself or herself. Another destructive relationship mistake covers those who are not familiar enough with the concept of a “personal life.” In order for a relationship to be strong and healthy, it is essential to not “invite” other people into it. Unfortunately, many people do not understand that by sharing personal details about their relationships with their friends or family members they are actually weakening the relationship.
By Guest Blogger: Rick Zapf
How much do you love your teenager? We are called each day by the world religions to love each other but when it comes down to it how much do you love your teenager? I mean how much could you love them when your teenager shows up late for their curfew again? How much can you love when they put another dent in your car or are asking for more money? How much can you love them when they are doing things that you don’t approve of?
Parenting is not an easy job! And yes it feels like a job often because of the stresses involved with raising a teenager. If you aren’t there yet because you have younger children you know your current stress level now. The more parents I talk with they tell me parenting my child was so much easier than now as a teenager.
But parents it is our job to model the behavior we are seeking.
Ask yourself these questions…
“Welcome aboard Flight 222. As we prepare to take off, we will be showing you some of the safety features. Should a change in cabin pressure occur oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling – PUT YOUR MASK ON FIRST BEFORE HELPING THOSE AROUND YOU!”
If you have ever taken a flight in an airplane this message during the pre-flight is all too familiar. But as parents with young children or teenagers, we do not take care of ourselves first. I had a parent just today ask me again, “What can I do when I’m stressed out with my teenager’s behaviors and actions?” I smiled knowing she was a one glass a night red wine drinker – “What, one glass isn’t enough these days?”
But think about it, what did you do this last week or even today for yourself? Parents try to take care of everything and everybody else, but not themselves. Even I myself am guilty. In the other room is a perfectly good treadmill that hasn’t seen my feet for months. But what do you do for yourself? Sure, unwinding with a good television show might be tempting, but what is a healthier choice? What choices can you make that will give you some lasting change?
So let’s look at 5 ways to help…
Richard Zwolinski, LMHC, CASAC is the author of Therapy Revolution: Find Help, Get Better, and Move On (Without Wasting Time or Money), and Therapy Soup. He is a nationally and internationally licensed psychotherapist and anxiety and addiction specialist with over 25 years experience. He is writing patient rights and therapist ethics regulations for New York State, serves on the Ethics Committee of the NY Licensed Mental Health Counselors Association, and volunteers with at-risk youth. Richard encourages everyone to stay emotionally, physically, and spiritually aware and healthy so they can live the happy, productive, meaningful lives they were meant to live.