Finding true happiness and developing a deeper understanding of the workings of the human mind is not a new topic, nor is it solely an American pursuit. From the beginning of time, exploration of the core virtues that exist within humans has been the focus of study. From Confucius to Aristotle, from Aquinas to Bhagavad-Gita, there is startling similarity among the great philosophers about the six core virtues:
Wisdom, Courage, Love, Justice,
Compassion, and Spirituality.
These virtues, or core strengths, provide the foundation upon which true happiness can be built.
The first thing you have to do is identify the worst or most out-of-control area of your life and start there. Finish this sentence, “If I were more organized I could…” and let that become your goal and your motivation. Write this down and post it somewhere you can see it every day. You may be motivated to have more quality time with your children, or have more time to yourself, or you may just want your house presentable enough to have company over, or organized enough to find what you need. So decide what you want. That’s the first step. Organized people are not afraid to make decisions and move on.
If your focus is on time management it’s important to organize your time from big to small, which means look at all you do in a given year. Write a list of all your big time commitments, then break it down by season. Then you can look at a month, a week and a day. You may find that you are doing one thing way too much and one way too little. Think about the balance between work and family, your kids and your spouse, your family and yourself. Plan activities that support your priorities, but don’t forget to leave yourself some down time. On a micro level, create morning and evening routines that help you operate efficiently. To keep up with all you have to do and want to do, routines are a must.
It is widely known that over 90% of diseases have stress as their catalyst.
What hasn’t been realized is that when you’re stressed out, your growth system times out because your immune system is in “protect mode”. Being in protect mode is like being in constant duct tape therapy!
You’re either in in “growth mode” –growing younger or in “protect mode” and growth has stopped for repair. Growth mode is where you rebuild and build new cells, which due to hormonal issues, slows down as we age. If your system is repairing older dying or decaying cells, which are now known to be the breeding ground of cancer, it is not able to create new cells. This speeds up the aging process by- you guessed it- slowing down your hormonal process. Stress, actually distress and chronic stress, kills off oxytocin, estrogen and testosterone, the feel good, libido and metabolism boosters especially for women. What boosts your metabolism the most is your libido and libido and longevity go hand in hand.
Jung called libido “Adaptive Energy”! In other words, to the extent your libido is strong, you can adapt to difficulty before it becomes a stressor. To do this you must develop conscious energy, otherwise known as will. Will however is an exhaustible resource. Inspiration has an expiration date- or should I say hour. Stress eats away at your will, the very thing that you need to solve the problem causing the stress. When your will is low, stress is high and likewise, when stress is high, your will gets low. High stress lowers your will, raises cortisol and so causes depression. Did you know boredom can also raise cortisol?
Tweet You would be shocked at the number of lies, myths and the variety of excuses associated with infidelity. I have gotten to the point now where I feel I can’t be shocked. Yet, over and over again, I am surprised by the ingenuity of wayward partners. Certain people seem to possess a yearning for [...]
Serotonin is the, “I feel safe and secure”- neuro-transmitter!
It is believed women require and use 6 times as much serotonin as men.
Did you know about 60 percent of women over 40 are on anti-depressants?
Sugary, starchy, fatty foods signal the brain and body to release serotonin and unbeknownst to many, that 60 percent of serotonin is actually produced in our gut. Because our gut is closely linked to our decision making area- (hence the terms gut check and gut feeling) – and reward center of our brain, the desire for sugary, starchy serotonin increasing foods can literally be “overwhelming”. Our emotional brain, to which women have eight times the blood flow of men in times of real or perceived danger-, is many thousands of times stronger than our rational brain which- by the way, actually needs glucose (blood sugar) to function in good decision making -ouch! That’s a lot like needing your glasses to find your glasses! You know that sudden, often unexplainable occurrence of crankiness that creeps in women without warning? Well, we just explained it. This is the real culprit in the low blood sugar mood altering and ensuing couples- let’s say disagreements, ok arguments- that has unfortunately and prevent ably ruined many a relationship. If someone’s decision making capacity is decreased, their choice of words to express themselves or their needs may be hampered. Their body and brain are on an emotional drive for food, without the rational brake center of their brain to help them. Do you realize how difficult this is for a woman – especially not realizing what or why this happens to her?
We all know- men and women, particularly the female and male brain -have their differences but, this one may be the most significant reason for the notable differences in female- male weight gain. The reason I say this is because in an attempt to increase serotonin, to increase their “subconscious” feeling of safety and security, women also often crave comfort foods. The problem with seeking serotonin through those released via comfort foods is, of course, the obvious caloric cost. Add to that the stress involved from “not feeling safe and secure, the subsequent release of the stress hormone cortisol which is notorious for creation and retention of belly fat and the “terrible trifecta” is complete.
Have you ever wondered what you should do if you suspect your mate is cheating?
It happens to us all.
Currently, a Google search on “Infidelity” shows 4,230,000 web pages on this topic. Chances are, you have probably read a good amount of “How to tell if your spouse is cheating” or “What to do if you suspect your spouse is cheating” articles.
This is a little different.
My approach to detecting, preventing and surviving infidelity is a bit unusual by most, so called, conventional standards.
First things first…
Everyone is innocent – until proven otherwise.
Suspicion is NOT proof.
Finding “clues” and NO proof is circumstantial at best. And as reliable as your intuition may be – it’s still NOT proof.
Circumstantial “evidence” is not enough to convict in a court of law and it should not be enough to convince you either.
One of the biggest mistakes I see people make against their spouse is accepting “suspicious behavior” as proof of unfaithful behavior.
Jumping to conclusions or allowing the jealousy demon to whisper in your ears will only torture you.
I watched an episode of Doctor Oz recently where he had a group of women on who were at their emotional end about how to get rid of their belly fat. It is very difficult, beyond psychologically, for a woman to so negatively watch her body change so let’s first take a moment here to empathize. Typically as a woman’s weight goes up, her self-esteem, her self-worth, goes down. Beyond anything a husband or boyfriend can say, for her, walking into a store and asking for- “the next size up” from last time- can be emotionally traumatic. Try to understand that when a woman gains weight around the middle it changes her symmetry which her system, at a subconscious level, knows is detrimental beyond immediate health, to her attractiveness to a partner or potential partner. Evolutionary Psychology has made it quite clear that it is not so much a younger but a healthier partner that is sought by a potential male mate. As a woman ages her hip to waist ratio, the golden measurement, changes. She tends to get thicker around her waist and loses muscle and muscle tone in her hips, further influencing a change in the youthfulness of her appearance. No amount of patronizing from friends or even a devoted mate can change the look she wants to receive from admirers, especially that devoted mate.
If you want to make a written plan, some of the questions you might begin with are:
Where do I want to be three months from now; six months from now; or a year from now?
How am I going to get there?
What do I have to do to get myself from where I am to where I want to be?
What’s the first, small step I can take to get moving?
Stephen Brennan said, “Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a written plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.”
You will often be surprised how often the circumstances which will confront you, will fit in with plans you have laid out in advance.
Bernard Baruch, an adviser to many US Presidents, said, “Whatever failures I have known, whatever errors I have committed, whatever follies I have witnessed in private and public life have been the consequence of action without thought.”
They are cheating Red Flag # 2 —Shifts in Behavior
Another big clue your partner is keeping a secret is when they have a noticeable “shift” in their behavior, interests or attitude.
Keeping in mind that many things can cause a person’s behavior to shift. It’s not always infidelity. It could be things like a new job, relocation, menopause, illness, financial stress, etc. But when there are no obvious reasons (and when everything else is relatively calm) shifts in behavior become a big red flag.
What follows are examples of some noticeable changes in behavior that clued some of our clients in on the fact that their partner was cheating.
CLASSIC CHEATERS’ BEHAVIOR
Why are so many people blind sided by infidelity and cheating?
Why do so many betrayed partners never see it coming? Why are so many wayward partners not prepared to handle temptation?
Looking back, we ask ourselves: were there signs, red flags, glaring evidence we should have seen coming?
The answer is almost always: Yes and No.
Here’s why. In almost all cases of infidelity, the betrayed partner indeed has warning signs, but usually fails to recognize them in time. And what good is a warning sign if you don’t see it and understand its meaning? Not much.
Hindsight is 20/20.
When they look back AFTER the discovery, people tell me they clearly recognized a number of signs.
So what are the warning signs, clues, or patterns that signal a partner/spouse is being unfaithful to you?
Red Flag #1
Your Own Intuition
What is triggering these feelings?
Your intuition. I call it our “invisible” deception detection system.
Our intuition does not depend on logic (the conscious mind). It relies on energy and information (the subconscious mind).
The conscious mind is extremely limited in how much information it can draw from and process.
However, your subconscious mind does draw from ALL available information. (tone, past, patterns of behavior, body language, etc.)
So, while someone may try to convince us with logic that everything is okay…our intuition tells us the truth.
In hindsight, almost 90% of betrayed spouses recalled a moment of unease – a “hunch” their partners were involved with someone outside of their relationship. This almost always happens.
Why is this?
I believe it’s because…
…all affairs introduce deception.